You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.
The bar graph shows the percentage of Australian men
were
employed in 1984,2001,2014 Correct pronoun usage
who were
according to
their age group.
Age groups are shown young,middle-aged and old people.
As we can see in 1984 Linking Words
the
65 Correct article usage
apply
percent
Use synonyms
if
teenagers were employed.Correct your spelling
of
This
proportion stayed Linking Words
same
in 2001,but it dropped Correct article usage
the same
of
about 50 Change preposition
by
Use synonyms
percent
in 2014.During the 13 Change the spelling
per cent
years
Add a comma
years,
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
percent
decreased suddenly.
Middle-aged men Replace the word
percentage
worjed
all the years.The second group is shown the highest rate and Correct your spelling
worked
remain
stable during these years.There is no decrease or increase in the rate of people. They display about 80% from 1984 to 2001.
The third Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
catefory
is old people.It is noticeable Correct your spelling
category
thta
the least Correct your spelling
that
Use synonyms
percent
was shown in the oldest age.
It was under 50% Replace the word
percentage
percent
in 1984.It was followed by a sudden increase of 60 by 2014.
In conclusion,Use synonyms
bar
graph shows middle-aged men worked over the all period.Teenagers Add an article
the bar
also
liked working,but Linking Words
2014
they were second Change preposition
in 2014
higest
.There is Correct your spelling
highest
sharp
contrast in the oldest employees.Add an article
a sharp
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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