IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
Some people who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 their higher education prefer to study additional areas outside the targeted one,
while
 others think that it is more crucial to focus and spend time on a qualified goal.
While
 investing
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to the
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 degree can ease the money-making process later on, I believe learning more about other topics is better because it makes us more developed individuals. On the one hand, some students give all their sources to earn the final name of their major because they want
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
insurance about their employment later on. In order to guarantee a future career that provides enough income, all the effort and
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 should be focused on their primary choice of study because if one is allowed to say all the details about a profession, they are the best in that area, they think. Being a manager with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary in large tech companies,
for example
, you should speak all the program languages and
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to see any possible
compliations
Correct your spelling
complications
 about them and if you did not take the relevant
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
 in university, it is unlikely that you
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 these requirements.
However
, I do not think
this
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right approach because knowing all the subbranches does not show someone is good at the main branch.
On the other hand
, learning more about different areas is beneficial and better because it allows us to become
fully-developed
Correct your spelling
fully developed
show examples
 individuals. By taking classes
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
diciplines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
, we can both increase the
overall
 level of information we have and widen it by adding different perspectives.
Thus
, we can avoid future complications
as a result
 of
those new information
Change the determiner
that new information
show examples
 because doing
this
 not only makes us more aware of the program we mainly study but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 prevents us from making common mistakes. Every year, lots of computer science students sign up for Personal Data Protection classes to do
this
,
for instance
. For these reasons, I believe surrounding ourselves with different areas is highly beneficial for university students. In conclusion,
although
 working only
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a main subject to be qualified can be beneficial for future incomes, I think in order to increase the
overall
 level of information, taking various
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
 is the best.
Submitted by :DDDDD on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language use and accuracy
Consider proofreading your essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism. Examples: 'who does their higher education' should be 'who do their higher education', 'knowladge' should be 'knowledge', 'compliations' should be 'complications', and 'diciplines' should be 'disciplines'.
Coherence and cohesion
To further improve coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with clear linking phrases, creating a more seamless flow of ideas.
Grammar and complexity
Enhancing the variety of your sentence structures can add sophistication to your writing. While your essay demonstrates good control, more complex structures could provide a higher level of expressiveness.
Task response
In discussing both sides of the argument, make sure to evenly balance the content. Your personal opinion is clear, but for a higher score, provide a deeper exploration of contrasting viewpoints to showcase comprehensive consideration.
Task response
Your essay shows a good ability to discuss both sides of the argument and articulate a clear personal stance, which is commendable.
Supporting examples
The use of specific examples, such as the manager in tech companies and computer science students taking Personal Data Protection classes, effectively supports your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!