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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The graph below the contribution of three sectors _ agriculture _ manufacturing and business and financial services _ to the UK in the twentieth century.

#contribution #three #sectors #_ #agriculture #business #services #uk #century
The graph outlines the contribution of some categories,
agriculture
, manufacturing and
business
 and financial in the UK economy and money services in the 20th
century
. In general, what stands out from the graph is that
agriculture
 and manufacturing began higher value much more than
business
 and decreased
at the end
 of the 20th
century
.
By contrast
,
business
 and financial were the most
value
Replace the word
valued
show examples
at the end
 of the period. Looking at the details,
agriculture
 began
almost
Change preposition
at almost
show examples
 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1900 and gradually improved above 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for a
half_century
Correct your spelling
half-century
.
However
,
agriculture
 considerably dropped
Change preposition
to under
show examples
under
Change preposition
to under
show examples
 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
then
finally
 plummeted
Change preposition
to just
show examples
just
Change preposition
to just
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 under 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000. Focusing on manufacturing and
business
, the former contribution to the UK economy
approximately
Add a missing verb
is approximately
show examples
 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Next,
manufacturing slightly slipped under 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the twentieth
century
.
On the other hand
, the latter began at a lower value
under
Change preposition
of under
show examples
 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1900. After that, for a
century
business
 and
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 significantly climbed
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by the end of the 20th
century
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Introduction Clarity
Try to provide an introductory sentence that clearly sets the context for the graph analysis. Mentioning the graph specifically would help.
Cohesive Devices
Include a variety of connective words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Conclusion Presence
For a higher score, ensure your essay has a clear conclusion summarizing the main trends.
Time Frame Clarity
Make sure to explicitly mention the time frame when discussing trends to clarify the analysis.
Support Specificity
Use more precise data and examples to support your analysis for each sector; this strengthens your argument.
Task Completion
Addressed all parts of the task with relevant information on all three sectors.
Organizational Structure
The essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs for each sector, and a general conclusion, showing good organization.
Comparative Analysis
You used comparisons effectively to highlight the changes over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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