IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people believe that cigarette smoking has had a negative impact for far too long and the only solution to end ot, is to make cigarettes illegall worldwide. To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give explanations and examples to support your opinion.

#people #cigarette #impact #ot #cigarettes #illegall #explanations #support
it is argued that some people think it is better to make cigarettes
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
banned in nations because of their bad impact on
health
 and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 the number of smokers.
This
 essay totally
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
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 with
this
 point of view . On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 smoking
shuld
Correct your spelling
should
 be
international
Change the word
internationally
show examples
unathorized
Correct your spelling
unauthorized
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
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it is
bad
Add an article
a bad
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 effect on
health
.There is
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 rise in
health
 issues related to
cigarettes
Change the noun form
cigarette
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 addiction,despite,
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in
immunity
Correct article usage
the immunity
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 system the
youngestrs
Correct your spelling
youngsters
youngest
 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 who are attracted to smoking are
mre
Correct your spelling
more
 likely to have lung cancer.
Moreover
,any disease
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
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 affect the
respairetory
Correct your spelling
respiratory
 system can destroy their
health
 and kill them .
For instance
,increase
the
Change preposition
in the
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 number of
dies
Replace the word
deaths
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 in Sudan in 2020 in
Covid19
Correct your spelling
Covid-19
 period
as a result
 of addiction to
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
.
On the other hand
 , there will be
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on people around smokers ,
hence
 the amount of them and increase the
health
 problems. smoking girls and boys will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 badly on their
famillies
Correct your spelling
families
,
relatieves
Correct your spelling
relatives
 and
also
 their friends,
neitheir
Correct your spelling
neither
either
 by
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 them to smoke nor
inheal
Correct your spelling
heal
in heal
 the smoking which will affect their
health
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many teenagers and adults choose to smoke because one of their parents is
smoker
Correct article usage
a smoker
show examples
 or friends
To conclude
 the buying of cigarettes should be unlicensed
globly
Correct your spelling
globally
 ,because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 obvious rise in lung cancer
Correct your spelling
patients
show examples
patents
Correct your spelling
patients
show examples
Further
, the negative
Correct your spelling
impact
impaact
Correct your spelling
impact
 on their
colleges
Replace the word
colleagues
show examples
 and relatives
Submitted by moonymum0011 on

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specific examples
To strengthen your essay, work on providing more detailed examples. For instance, rather than briefly mentioning the situation in Sudan, delve deeper into how exactly cigarette addiction impacted Covid-19 mortality rates there.
language accuracy
Be mindful of spelling and grammar errors, as they can hinder the clarity of your arguments. Consider using spell check tools or proofreading your essay carefully before submission.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be enhanced for clarity and impact. Introduce the topic more engagingly and end with a stronger, more memorable statement.
task response
You have effectively addressed the topic by agreeing with the notion that cigarettes should be banned worldwide, and you've provided rationale for this viewpoint.
logical structure
Your essay structures an argument with a clear stance, which is good for coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect or argument relating to the central topic, helping to maintain a logical structure.
use of examples
You've included relevant examples, like the increase in deaths in Sudan, to support your arguments. While more detail could be added, this approach helps illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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