IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The increasing demand for oil and gas has made it necessary to look for these energy sources in remote and untouched natural places. Do you think the advantages of locating oil and gas in these areas outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these places?

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Currently,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online access to highly demanding, scarce, natural materials
gets
Wrong verb form
is getting
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 more popular because of the growing demand. In my opinion, placing
energy
Use synonyms
 sources in intangible areas brings more benefits than drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the limitation of
resources
Change the noun form
resource
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 accessibility causes serious problems to the economy. Society requires
accessing
Wrong verb form
access
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 the
energy
Use synonyms
 on a daily basis. Despite looking for the new solutions, we still depend on the traditional gas and oil.
For example
Linking Words
, even though my house takes the power from solar panels, it needs to be heated by additional substances during winter.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we do not have enough local spots to purchase the amount of those products;
however
Linking Words
, we need to maintain
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
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 of communities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, remote acquiring is essential to ensure that the
energy
Use synonyms
 flow is constant.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is no other option than buying it via
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. Some countries experience
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of goods and take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advantage of foreign streams.
For instance
Linking Words
, we could observe how
ban
Add an article
the ban
a ban
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 on Russia influenced the global demand
on
Change preposition
for
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 gas. At that time, the European Union put as the top priority to find new suppliers. Without untouchable areas, we would experience a serious global crisis caused by the shortage of
energy
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, the popularity of some materials makes
as
Correct your spelling
us
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 dependable on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and we cannot neglect
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. The development of untouchable sales market areas may
safe
Replace the word
save
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 the world in many unforeseen situations following the example from the EU.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I entirely support purchasing power goods on the online
market place
Correct your spelling
marketplace
show examples
.

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task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt. The essay seems to misinterpret the topic by focusing on the online purchase of oil and gas rather than the environmental impact of extracting these resources in remote areas.
task response
Maintain a clear focus on the topic throughout your essay, providing specific examples directly related to the pros and cons of obtaining resources from untouched natural places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence with a logical flow of ideas. To enhance cohesion, make clearer connections between your examples and the main argument.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your examples are directly relevant and effectively illustrate the impact of extracting energy resources from remote natural places.
coherence and cohesion
Appropriate use of linking words to guide the reader through your arguments, enhancing the coherence of your essay.
structure
A clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion was maintained, which helps in understanding your position.
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