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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information
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The first illustration depicts how a normal Australian household
Use synonyms
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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energy
Use synonyms
. The second graph illustrates how
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 affected greenhouse
gas
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emissions
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. An
overall
Linking Words
 examination indicates that heating spends the most amount of
energy
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 but it is not the most
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
 task. As mentioned, heating provides 42% of the total 100%,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it only takes up 15% of
emissions
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. Water heating comes second with 30%
use
Use synonyms
, and only goes up by 2% on the other chart. refrigeration holds 7% but
suprisingly
Correct your spelling
surprisingly
this
Linking Words
 amount doubles
on
Change preposition
apply
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the greenhouse
gas
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emissions
Use synonyms
. The data
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 similar in lighting sources of 4% turning into 8%. The lowest consumption of
energy
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 belongs to cooling with a mere 2% share and 3% on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
. The rest of the 100%, Other appliance
energy
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use
Use synonyms
 only makes up 15%, yet
this
Linking Words
 amount almost gets twice as much in the
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
households
Change noun form
households'
household's
show examples
 green
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words use, energy, gas, emissions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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