The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 – 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an everage school day in the UK.

#amount #time #internet #games #consoles #everage #school #uk

The diagram illustrates the number of

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

that boys and

girls

who are 10-15-year-olds enjoy chatting online and playing on

games

Change the noun form

game

show examples

consoles on an

everage

Correct your spelling

average

school day in the UK.

Overal

Correct your spelling

Overall

show examples

, playing

games

is more popular than chatting on the Internet.

However

, there are specific differences

Change preposition

show examples

using time between boys and

girls

. It is clear from the figures of the chart that 85%

lads

Change preposition

of lads

show examples

spend time on

games

while

55%

chat

online.

In addition

, most of them play

games

every day

Change preposition

for more

show examples

than one

hours

Fix the agreement mistake

hour

show examples

and 10% do for more than 4

hours

By contrast

girls

prefer

making

Verb problem

having

show examples

conversation

Fix the agreement mistake

conversations

show examples

online.

According to

the bar chart, almost 70% engage in online

chat

each day, compared to 51% on

games

consoles. Of

this

Change the determiner

this girl

these girls

show examples

girls

playing

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

, most of them spend less than one hour,

whereas

most

girls

who

chat

online do so for more than one

hours

Fix the agreement mistake

hour

show examples

, and nearly 10%

chat

for four

hours

or so.

Submitted by duyuyen18 on Wed Apr 24 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, games, chat, hours with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

155 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 – 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an everage school day in the UK.

Many children nowadays find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What are the possible solutions to this problem?

In many countries elderly population is increasing What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Due to poorer countries experiencing a ‘brain drain’, they are seeing many professionals, such as doctors and teachers, leaving to work in more developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation?

Smart phones and other similar electronic gadgets have reduced the contact between friends. Discuss how far you agree with this statement.