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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 – 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an everage school day in the UK.

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 – 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an everage school day in the UK.
#amount #time #internet #games #consoles #everage #school #uk
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The diagram illustrates the number of
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 that boys and
girls
 who are 10-15-year-olds enjoy chatting online and playing on
games
Change the noun form
game
show examples
 consoles on an
everage
Correct your spelling
average
 school day in the UK.
Overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, playing
games
 is more popular than chatting on the Internet.
However
, there are specific differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using time between boys and
girls
. It is clear from the figures of the chart that 85%
lads
Change preposition
of lads
show examples
 spend time on
games
while
 55%
chat
 online.
In addition
, most of them play
games
 every day
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than one
hours
Fix the agreement mistake
hour
show examples
 and 10% do for more than 4
hours
.
By contrast
,
girls
 prefer
making
Verb problem
having
show examples
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 online.
According to
 the bar chart, almost 70% engage in online
chat
 each day, compared to 51% on
games
 consoles. Of
this
Change the determiner
this girl
these girls
show examples
girls
 playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, most of them spend less than one hour,
whereas
 most
girls
 who
chat
 online do so for more than one
hours
Fix the agreement mistake
hour
show examples
, and nearly 10%
chat
 for four
hours
 or so.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, games, chat, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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