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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 – 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an everage school day in the UK.

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 – 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an everage school day in the UK.
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The diagram illustrates the number of
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 that boys and
girls
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 who are 10-15-year-olds enjoy chatting online and playing on
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games
Change the noun form
game
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 consoles on an
everage
Correct your spelling
average
 school day in the UK.
Overal
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Overall
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, playing
games
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 is more popular than chatting on the Internet.
However
Linking Words
, there are specific differences
of
Change preposition
in
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 using time between boys and
girls
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. It is clear from the figures of the chart that 85%
lads
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of lads
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 spend time on
games
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while
Linking Words
 55%
chat
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 online.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of them play
games
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 every day
more
Change preposition
for more
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 than one
Use synonyms
hours
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hour
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 and 10% do for more than 4
hours
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
girls
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 prefer
making
Verb problem
having
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conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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 online.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, almost 70% engage in online
chat
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 each day, compared to 51% on
games
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 consoles. Of
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this girl
these girls
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girls
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 playing
game
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games
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, most of them spend less than one hour,
whereas
Linking Words
 most
girls
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 who
chat
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 online do so for more than one
Use synonyms
hours
Fix the agreement mistake
hour
show examples
, and nearly 10%
chat
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 for four
hours
Use synonyms
 or so.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, games, chat, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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