IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource, while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is a belief that
water
Use synonyms
 delivery should be controlled by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public entities since it is scarce,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In my opinion, I entirely agree that we should not limit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
this
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 resource since it would interact with
people
Use synonyms
's free will.
To begin
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 with, government is not always objective.
For example
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, just before
elections
Add a comma
elections,
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 many citizens observed that gas and oil prices in Poland decreased significantly. The aim was to make
people
Use synonyms
 feel that the previous party managed the country well. It clearly shows that some public organizations are likely to manipulate data so that they can gain the acceptance of society. I strongly believe that the same unfair practice would apply to fresh
water
Use synonyms
 if they
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 in charge of it.
Therefore
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, we should not allow them to influence the cost of basic goods
such
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 as
water
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 have free access to goods they may forecast and schedule their own consumption.
Such
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a
Remove the article
apply
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self-regulation
learns
Verb problem
teaches
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people
Use synonyms
 how to
dose
Verb problem
do
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 what they get and
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 their sense of freedom.
For example
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 argue whether politics are worth their trust.
However
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, if the
water
Use synonyms
 would be supplied by private companies those concerns would certainly disappear.
To sum up
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, there is an issue if
water
Use synonyms
 supply should be managed by individual companies or public ones. For sure, both perspectives have advantages and disadvantages.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly believe that the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 regulations the better because it gives
people
Use synonyms
 control over their lives.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to discuss both sides of the argument equally. The essay leans heavily towards one viewpoint without equally discussing the opposite side.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be careful not to introduce new ideas in the conclusion that weren't fully explored in the main body of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using more varied linking words and phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Real-world examples enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion and conclusion, which is good for answering the question directly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure is logical and easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • manage responsibly
  • shortages
  • environmental impact
  • over-extraction
  • wastage
  • quotas
  • pricing structures
  • efficient use
  • bureaucratic red tape
  • market mechanisms
  • competition, innovation, and investment
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