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Band 1

Sports have always been the point of interest for people for ages.Olympics games are historical events which happen every four years.

#sports #point #interest #people #ages #olympics #games #events #four #years
Sports have always been the point of interest for
people
 for ages.
Correct article usage
The Olympics
show examples
Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
show examples
games
 are historical events which happen every four years. Nowadays,it is claimed that
people
 do not accept it as vital. I completely disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 statement.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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games
 are
traditional
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a traditional
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 occasion,
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 allocate talented players from all over the world.Sportsmen prepare and try to win every race.They compete
other
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with other
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 nations and endeavor to
take
Verb problem
win
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 a lot of
medal
Change to a plural noun
medals
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.
This
 is the most interesting part of
Correct article usage
the competion
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competion
Correct your spelling
competition
. I think,
people
 are opposing the
Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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games
may
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 be
by
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of
show examples
 the effects of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and so on. But technological development never
replace
Change the verb form
replaces
show examples
 customs.
Thirdly
,
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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games
, help to
enchance
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enhance
 the economy of
world
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the world
show examples
. It develops
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the financal
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financal
Correct your spelling
financial
 status of nations and
olimpians
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Olympians
.
Thought
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Though
show examples
 it is
21
Replace the word
the 21st
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 century,the improvement of
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
the crucial
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 aspect. In conclusion,
although
,there is
strict
Add an article
a strict
the strict
show examples
 opinion about
Olympics
 events, which some
people
 find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
unsual
Correct your spelling
unusual
.But
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 it has great
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
sportmen
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
 and countries.
Submitted by englishgate995 on

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Try to develop your arguments more thoroughly with clear examples and explanations for each point you make. This will strengthen your essay and help the reader understand your perspective better.
coherence and cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (such as linking words, pronouns, etc.) to help connect your ideas more smoothly. This will improve the flow and clarity of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to paragraphing. Ensure that each paragraph deals with one main idea and is clearly separated from the next to enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear position throughout the essay, which meets the task requirement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is a positive aspect of coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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