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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India
#show #consumption #food #world #two #countries #china #india
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The pie chart below illustrates the percentage of
food
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consumption
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such
Linking Words
 as processed
food
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,vegetables and fruits,animal
food
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,nuts, and seeds in the
world
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 in 2008 compared to two countries, China and
India
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 processed
food
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 is the leading
consumption
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 in both countries and the
world
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. The less popular is nuts and seeds, which don't consist of even one-fifth part. On the one hand, the
consumption
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 of
food
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as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 nuts and seeds was lower in the
world
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 than in China and
India
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, which consisted of four
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 vegetables and fruits provided somewhat one-third dietary requirements of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Chinese citizens and precisely 23
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of Indians. The
world
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 average for fruit and vegetable
consumption
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 was just below 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, animal
food
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 is the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
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consumption
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 in
India
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, which is 27
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
. At the same time
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
food
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consumption
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 in the
world
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 consists of one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 lower than in
India
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by madinabonu.bm on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, consumption, world, india with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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