IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
#hours #work #week #people #categories #activities #childcare #home #housework
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart below displays the average
hours
Use synonyms
 of free job
for
Change preposition
per
show examples
 week done by citizens in different categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, X
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
category
Add an article
a category
the category
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
: without
children
Use synonyms
, with 1-2
children
Use synonyms
, and with 3+
children
Use synonyms
 in the family and Y represents the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 these females and males do for free in
this
Linking Words
 bar chart. There are two lines that show married
women
Use synonyms
 with a blue
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 and married
men
Use synonyms
 with a red
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
. There are 30
hours
Use synonyms
 that married
women
Use synonyms
 do and nearly 20
hours
Use synonyms
 married
men
Use synonyms
 do in
category
Add an article
the category
show examples
 of married
men
Use synonyms
 and married
women
Use synonyms
 without
children
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, there are almost 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of nonpaid work that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 do, which is more than in
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
 section in
"with
Correct article usage
the "with
show examples
 1-2
children
Use synonyms
" part. But
Use synonyms
hours
Correct article usage
the hours
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
 part did not change at all. There are 60
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid work including childcare in the home, housework and gardening that married
women
Use synonyms
 do in
"with
Correct article usage
the "with
show examples
 3+
children
Use synonyms
" section. Meanwhile, in
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with 3+
children
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 of the family do only 17
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, men, women, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: