IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #behavior #action
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People
Use synonyms
 always desire to buy something, especially products that are costly and unnecessary; so, many are ended up in debt just to get something they can not afford. Many
people
Use synonyms
 when they
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to work, it is common in the societies to get
credit
Use synonyms
cards
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. Having the
cards
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 allows them to purchase larger things
such
Linking Words
 as; phones and unnecessary gadgets. It divided the price into small fractions; making it feel like nothing, so few
people
Use synonyms
 can control their temptation.
Also
Linking Words
, banks are often promoting
credit
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card
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 privileges, and low instalment rates but not the payment procedure; many new
credit
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card
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 holders do not know exactly how much they can pay back, and
this
Linking Words
 results in being in debt with the bank.
This
Linking Words
 habit can be avoided by carefully studying the terms and conditions of each
card
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, when, and how much it costs for the payback.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if already hold a
credit
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card
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, not all
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 should be in an instalment because it requires
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of interests which add a lot to the final price.
This
Linking Words
 would be great to teach essential financial knowledge in school to prepare financially smart
people
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 because habit forming takes time.
However
Linking Words
,
credit
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cards
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does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not always have negative aspects, a fair amount of
people
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 still choose to hold
cards
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 many privileges to compensate
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 payment but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be managed wisely.
Therefore
Linking Words
, every purchase needs careful consideration before being in any debt because it will be better for everyone to stay debt-free or
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wisely gain privilege benefits from
credit
Use synonyms
cards
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using a wider range of connecting words can improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Introduce the topic and your perspective more clearly in the introduction for a stronger start.
Task Achievement
Expand on your solutions by providing more detailed examples or elaborating how they can be implemented.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and subtopics provided.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear overall structure with a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • financial literacy
  • impulse buying
  • credit score
  • debt management
  • sustainable living
  • emotional spending
  • budgeting skills
  • peer pressure
  • retail therapy
  • frugality
  • credit limit
  • financial counseling
  • minimalistic lifestyle
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