IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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In recent years,
students
Use synonyms
 especially in
university
Use synonyms
 can
study
Use synonyms
 anything they want, so they have opportunities to learn other subjects
besides
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their majors. Some say that they should focus on their studies and not spend their time
to
Change the verb form
studying
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study
Use synonyms
 others,
while
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 other people disagree with it. In my opinion,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 would be better to learn
numeorus
Correct your spelling
numerous
 subjects as much as they can.
Firstly
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, learning broad
things
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 in
academic
Add an article
the academic
an academic
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 year has profits for
students
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, including giving them new perspectives.
For example
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, mathematics is a scientific subject and its value has become higher and higher in the
last
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 ten years with
developing
Verb problem
apply
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the
Capitalize word
Internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 technology.
However
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, people who major in
this
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study
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 are typically systematic and hardly create a
revolutional
Correct your spelling
revolutionary
 idea in their occupations. So, if they
study
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 other
things
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such
Linking Words
 as business, they potentially make a creative idea
up
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apply
show examples
.
In contrast
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, individuals in
university
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 need to spend their whole time
to
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
study
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 their majors since it is quite complicated and requires numerous resources.
For instance
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,
students
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 whose subject is medical science are in
university
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 for six years to complete their
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and they frequently have no time to learn other
things
Use synonyms
. If they try to
study
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 new
things
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while
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 they
study
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 the main one, they possibly fall it down.
However
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, I personally argue that
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 of learning numerous subjects in
university
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 outweigh the cons because they obtain various types of knowledge which is needed in business. Success in business cannot be
archieved
Correct your spelling
achieved
archived
 by an aspect, so wide viewpoints lead them to
accumplish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
 massive
things
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 focusing on one subject and learning wide studies in
university
Use synonyms
 have profits respectively, the pros of the former are more huge than that of the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should learn numerous
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 in their academic ages.
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to further improve the quality of your essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly answer the question in the introduction and reiterate your stance in the conclusion for a stronger argument.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear stance and developed your arguments effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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