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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given chart below illustrates the proportion of individuals of 4 kinds age groups who watched in movie theater in one national European between 2000 and 2011.

The given chart below illustrates the proportion of individuals of 4 kinds age groups who watched in movie theater in one national European between 2000 and 2011.
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This
Linking Words
 graph depicts 4 kinds age
groups
Use synonyms
 who watched in
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 in one national European, by the y-axis
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows the percentages of the 4 kinds age and the x-axis illustrate the change in
years
Use synonyms
. By observing the graph it seems that the 15-24
group
Use synonyms
 was facing many changes during the
years
Use synonyms
, and the
group
Use synonyms
 7-14,
25
Correct word choice
and 25
show examples
-35 seems more staple and closer to each other, they started with a different percentage and ended up with the same percentage, the
group
Use synonyms
 who include 35 and over did not face any
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 changes compared to the other
groups
Use synonyms
 but only in the
last
Linking Words
 3
years
Use synonyms
 the
group
Use synonyms
 started to face
unsual
Correct your spelling
unusual
 changes.
To conclude
Linking Words
, all of the three
groups
Use synonyms
was having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 an extreme amount of
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 in the percentage
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
 the 35 and over
Use synonyms
group
Add an article
the group
show examples
, it was more stable than the other
groups
Use synonyms
 but only in the
last
Linking Words
 3
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
percenrage
Correct your spelling
percentage
started
Replace the word
start
show examples
 to increase.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, years, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • individuals
  • age groups
  • watched in movie theater
  • national
  • European
  • between
  • 2000
  • 2011
  • describe
  • compare
  • attendance
  • changes
  • summarize
  • chart
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