IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

task1 The figures give information about economic growth and household expenditure across a range of categories. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#figures #information #growth #household #expenditure #range #categories #summarise #features #comparisons
The figures illustrate
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economic development and
household
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 across a range of fields.
Overall
, the line
chart
 shows Economic
Growth
 has a variation from 1995 to 2010. The pie
chart
 features
Breakdown
Correct article usage
the Breakdown
show examples
 of
Household
Expenditure
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same period
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the line
chart
 . In
pie
Add an article
a pie
the pie
show examples
chart
 , almost of
Household
expenditure
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 stable in 15 years. The Figure 1 , Economic
Growth
 started at a modest 1
percent
,
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 modestly and remained more or less stable at about 3
percent
 until 2003. Next , it grew strongly and peaked at nearly 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 2005 ,
then
 dropped plummeting to -5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2008 , before recovering to 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010. Over the same time , the
figure
Capitalize word
Figure
show examples
 2 , Breakdown of
Household
Expenditure
 , the changes in patterns of spending were evident. In periods of low
growth
,
expenditure
 on housing and food accounted for a larger proportion of total spending than in times of relative thrived. In opposite, in times of economic
growth
, spending on less important items like travel , entertainment and clothing has increased.
This
 is particularly evident in the pie
chart
 in 2005 when three items together account for over 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of total
expenditure
.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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Introduction Clarity
Introduce your essay more effectively by clearly stating what the figures show. Instead of saying 'The figures illustrate about economic development and household consume across a range of fields,' try something like 'The given figures provide an overview of the economic growth trends alongside household expenditure on various categories from 1995 to 2010.'
Logical Structure
For a clearer logical structure, consider using distinct paragraphs to separate the overview, detailed analysis of economic growth, and breakdown of household expenditure. This aids in reader understanding and coherence.
Cohesion
Incorporate a variety of linking phrases to improve cohesion. Instead of repeatedly starting sentences with 'The figure,' use transitions like 'Regarding,' 'In contrast,' or 'Similarly,' to create a smoother flow.
Task Achievement Comparison
To enhance task achievement, ensure to include comparisons more systematically. While you mention comparisons, explicitly stating them (e.g., 'Compared to 2005, the expenditure...') could make your argument stronger and more direct.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizing the main trends and changes over the period, such as the peak and drop in economic growth, and the variations in household expenditure.
Task Understanding
The essay makes a good attempt to describe and compare the data presented in both the line and pie charts, indicating an understanding of the task.
Detail Usage
Specific years and percentages are used to support points made, which helps in providing a detailed analysis of the figures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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