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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.
#bar #information #japanese #tourists #line #percentage #australia
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The charts depict the information about the number of
Japanese
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad, compared to those who
choosed
Correct your spelling
chose
show examples
Australia as their
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 destination over the
ten years
Correct your spelling
ten-year
show examples
period
. Looking from
overall
Add an article
an overall
the overall
show examples
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the number of people from Japan who
traveling
Wrong verb form
travel
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 to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
 gradually experienced a significant rise in
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
period
 given.
Similarly
, the figure of
Japanese
 that came to visit Australia was rising throughout the years mentioned, despite a slight dip in the middle of the
period
. First of all, it is evident that the interest rate of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad among
Japanese
 was consistently high. Began
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 approximately 5
million
 people in 1985, and gradually
rising
Wrong verb form
rose
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 before
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 its peak at around 15
million
. For some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, the percentage of
Japanese
 who went to Australia slightly dipped in 1989
about
Change preposition
at
show examples
 roughly 0.5
million
.
Overall
, it faced a significant rise to
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
6
Change preposition
of 6
show examples
million
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
 mentioned.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, period, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dip" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas tourists
  • chart analysis
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • tourist trends
  • economic factors
  • promotional activities
  • visa policies
  • cultural influences
  • social factors
  • culmination of trends
  • speculation
  • preference shifts
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