Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these point of views and give your opinion.

A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
question of whether to perceive a career in
one
company
or to change them during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
lifetime is a tricky
one
. Each approach has its advantages and disadvantages. Though I'm a fan of switching my
employer
from
time
to
time
, in
this
essay I will cover both points of view. First of all, not many companies offer
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
for personal growth over the years. If we take small businesses, the opportunities might be rather limited within
one
company
. In these cases, the only way to get promoted is to switch
one
's
employer
. If that corresponds to
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
thrive for moving up the career ladder, he or she must be prepared to work for different organizations.
On the other hand
, if
one
works in the same position, he will eventually optimize and perfect his daily duties. Even if he or she changes the position within
one
corporation, the business flows usually remain
familliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
and the individual won't require much onboarding.
Thus
, working for the same
company
might be optimal for both the
employer
and the employee. When a person is tied to
one
place doing the same things over and over again, he or she might be missing out on the progress that might have
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
over the years in that field.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
is especially true for the IT industry. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result,
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
skills might become obsolete, and the only way to regain them is to get real experience working for another
company
with a more progressive approach.
Lastly
, I would like to mention that in large corporations there are often vast opportunities for growth and education. They are often the biggest magnet for the younger generation, especially in Asian countries: college graduates prefer to choose
one
major
company
and stay employed in it during their whole life.
To sum up
, though each approach has its benefits, I believe that changing the
employer
from
time
to
time
might be optimal for most people.
Submitted by fednastya000 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance the clarity and support of your ideas, consider integrating more specific examples and case studies into your discussion. This will strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
Task Achievement
Maintaining a balance between discussing both viewpoints and your opinion throughout the essay will ensure a well-rounded response. Make sure your opinion is clearly stated and supported.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, try linking your ideas more explicitly to the topic sentence of each paragraph. This ensures that each paragraph contributes clearly to your overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done a good job at organizing your essay logically. Enhancing your paragraphs with more transitional phrases could make the flow even smoother and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively framing your essay's argument and summarizing your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've demonstrated a good use of paragraphing, separating your ideas into clear, logical sections, which makes your essay easier to follow.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed the advantages and disadvantages of both viewpoints on employment continuity, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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