IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, the problem of whether employees should give priority to appearance in the workplace is litigious in many companies. From my point of view, I believe that both of these factors can be done at the same time.
Initially
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, It is human to express himself, including through clothes. He wants to be as free as possible in choosing what he wears. Even at
work
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.
And if
Correct word choice
If
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 a person is driven by the desire for freedom
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comfort and individuality, the employer is driven by other goals. He needs to establish rules,
set
Correct word choice
and set
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 a framework so that the
work
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 and reputation of his
company
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not threatened.
However
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, the lack of a dress code is a serious competitive advantage of the
company
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 in the eyes of the applicant, especially the millennial applicant. Logically,
i
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I
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 can
ever
Correct your spelling
never
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 say that there are certain stereotypes that are not affected by anything, even the weather.
For instance
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, when going to the doctor, we presuppose
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
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 the person with
white
Add an article
a white
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 robe, but not in
pajamas
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pyjamas
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.
Similarly
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 with other professions . It
also
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 happens :
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 seems to be no dress code , but the management has its own vision of what an employee of his
company
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 should look like, and sometimes
this
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 vision doesn’t shine logic .
To sum up
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, I think it is better for employees to focus both on their
work
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 and on their appearance. If they are asked to dress well, at first it will show their politeness and respect towards the
company
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 where they actually
work
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, and
at
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apply
show examples
second it will
also
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 boost the persuasiveness of teamwork.

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introduction
Your introduction provides a nice start to the essay. However, it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt. Adding such a statement helps guide the reader through your argument.
development
Try to develop your main points with more specific examples and evidences. While you mention the importance of dress codes and individual preferences, including specific examples or data would enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
structure
The essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument. This will improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to follow.
content
It's noteworthy to see attempts at linking appearance to workplace dynamics. Further elaboration on how appearance and work quality can coexist or affect each other would enrich your discussion.
conclusion
Your conclusion provides a summary, but it could be strengthened by clearly restating your opinion and summarizing how it is supported by the discussed views.
content
Tackled both views on the importance of dress codes and work quality in the workplace.
opinion
Attempted to provide a balanced viewpoint by acknowledging the significance of both appearance and quality of work.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionalism
  • first impression
  • competent
  • dedicated
  • organizational culture
  • teamwork
  • creativity
  • productivity
  • dress code
  • comfort
  • individuality
  • job satisfaction
  • client-facing
  • nature of the job
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