Some people think that it is best to save money for example in a bank or savings schemes. Other people feel that money should be spend whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.
There are different views about
people
’s strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
on
managing their income. Change preposition
for
While
in some ways it may seem enjoyable to spend as much as money
you acquire, I personally believe that individuals should have a certain plan about their income.
There are a wide variety of reasons why some people
prefer to spend all their revenue. Firstly
, they argue that we work and make money
to meet our need
, expectations and wants. All Fix the agreement mistake
needs
people
would like to live in a luxurious home, ride a modern automobile, wear stylish clothes and have access to other materialistic pleasures of life. Why we should not spend our income and experience various enjoyments and delectations in our lives. Secondly
, we have a limited time to live and no one knows how long he/she will live. Some people
reason that while
we do not have any certain prediction
about our lifetime, why we should save Fix the agreement mistake
predictions
money
and deprive ourselves from
buying things that we would like to have.
Change the preposition
of
Although
,
I am in Remove the comma
apply
favor
of spending Change the spelling
favour
money
on things that gives
a sense of pleasure and satisfaction to Change the verb form
give
people
, I personally believe that all individuals need to have a saving plan and manage their earnings. There are a large number of reasons for this
point of view. Firstly
, all of us may encounter different unpredictable incidents in our lives, such
as diseases, bankruptcy, unemployment, war, compulsory immigration and natural disasters. Thus
, having a saving
plan and reserving some Fix the agreement mistake
savings
money
seem
necessary and reasonable. Change the verb form
seems
Secondly
, at the same time, all of us devise different plans for our future. We would like to have access to diverse materialistic pleasures of life, such
as home, car, clothes and so on. Thus
, reserving money
to meet our future wants could be a logical idea.
In conclusion, while
spending money
is an enjoyable experience, it seems to me that it would be better for people
to deposit a certain amount of their earning
. Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
This
view will help them avoid or at least mitigate the disturbing consequences of not having money
.Submitted by arman802001 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall flow and clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and details to support your points. While the current examples provide a basis for your arguments, richer details will make your essay more compelling and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done an excellent job in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, detailed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced view before stating your own opinion. This shows a good understanding of the task.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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