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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013.

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013.
The graph compares four activities in terms of the time Australian
mothers
Use synonyms
 and
fathers
Use synonyms
 spent helping their children in 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
,
mothers
Use synonyms
 helped the most with dressing,
whereas
Linking Words
fathers
Use synonyms
 helped the most with
homework
Use synonyms
. Both parents helped the most with playing
games
Use synonyms
. As the chart shows,
mothers
Use synonyms
 helped with dressing at 75%,
while
Linking Words
 they helped the least with playing
games
Use synonyms
 at 26%.
Then
Linking Words
, Australian
mothers
Use synonyms
 helped with
homework
Use synonyms
 and preparing for bed at 50% and 43%, respectively. Regarding
fathers
Use synonyms
' help, the highest index was with
homework
Use synonyms
 at 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest was with dressing at 2% in 2013. Meanwhile, they aimed at playing
games
Use synonyms
 and preparing for bed at 5% and 6%, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, both parents helped with playing
games
Use synonyms
 at 69%;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 index was the lowest with dressing at 23% in 2013. Afterwards,
mothers
Use synonyms
 and
fathers
Use synonyms
 helped their children with
homework
Use synonyms
 and preparing for bed at 39% and 50%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words mothers, fathers, homework, games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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