IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below shows shares of expanditure for two major categories in the United States,Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expanditure for two major categories in the United States,Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan in the year 2009.
The bar graph compares how much Americans, Canadians, English and Japanese spent on food, housing, transportation, healthcare and clothing in 2009. In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 out of all five countries, the majority of spending was spent on housing
while
Linking Words
 healthcare spent the least.
To begin
Linking Words
 with housing costs,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom spent 25%
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 Canada spent 20%.
United
Correct article usage
The United
show examples
 Kingdom spent about 22% on food,
while
Linking Words
 in other countries the percentages were below 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 each. Spending on transportation was at the top in Canada with 20% and the lowest percentage was in Japan less than 10%. But on health care United Kingdom spent 8%,
while
Linking Words
 Canada and Japan were at the same level with 5
percent
Use synonyms
, and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States spent 2%. 
Us
Correct article usage
The us
show examples
 and Japan spent the least on clothes with 5 and 6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
,
while
Linking Words
 the UK and Sanada spent the most 8 and 9
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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