IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many Cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some government are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to the rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #government #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
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Nowadays, many cities are confronted with severe issues
due to
 their high population growth rate, and rural life has been recommended as a solution by some governments.
This
 essay will demonstrate how a decrease in urban areas' population can solve the
traffic
 congestion problem and illustrate its drawbacks on the efficiency of people's lives.
Although
 its negative effects are significant,
this
 essay will argue that its pros outweigh its cons. On the one hand, the main issue with the migration of individuals to villages is the lack of access to the
Internet
.
While
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become an undeniable part of
Add an article
an individuals
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 life, many rural
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
 have no
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 connection, and living in
such
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 might have
further
 negative impacts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human life
eficiency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
 and
hence
 small
businessess
Correct your spelling
businesses
. As a tremendous example, we can mention the ultimate access to research resources through the
Internet
.
On the other hand
, if humans are convinced by governments to live in rural areas
instead
 of urban ones, there will be a vital improvement in
traffic
 congestion.
For instance
, researchers assessed Venice, which was an overcrowded city in the past, by restricting its population, and the result of
this
 research was surprisingly effective in solving the boats'
traffic
 problems. In conclusion, even though living in villages without the
Internet
 might limit people's access to infinite resources, it tremendously decreases the
traffic
 rate.
Submitted by mohi.rezaiee on

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Coherence Cohesion
Ensure a variety of sentence structures are used to maintain reader interest and demonstrate linguistic capability.
Task Achievement
More detailed examples could be given to further support your main points. While Venice is a good example, additional evidence or cases could make your argument stronger.
General
Be cautious of minor inaccuracies and oversights, such as the phrase 'Internet have'. Paying attention to grammar and agreement can improve the overall quality of the essay.
Coherence Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You've presented a clear stance on the issue, which is maintained throughout the essay, showing good task response.
Task Achievement
Using Venice as a real-world example to support your argument shows an effective use of specific examples to bolster your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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