IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter ● describe the problem with the equipment ● explain what happened when you phoned the shop ● say what you would like the manager to do.

#piece #equipment #kitchen #work #shop #action #manager
Mr. Mehul I am writing to inform you that yesterday I bought
mixture
Correct article usage
a mixture
show examples
 from your shop.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
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 it did not
working
Change the verb form
work
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 its showing
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 lock is not working. I called
twic
Correct your spelling
twice
 to your receptionist
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 have written
my
Change preposition
about my
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 problem and they said that
shop
Correct article usage
the shop
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 technician will
be contact
Change the verb form
contact
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 you soon, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
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did
Verb problem
have
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 not
get
Replace the word
got
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 any call yet from
Technician
Correct article usage
the Technician
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. Again
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 called to receptionist
however
 they gave
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 answer. In
last
 I decided to write
letter
Add an article
a letter
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 to you .
Moreover
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 better
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 can send your technician as soon as possible. I would like
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
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 help me out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 situation. Thank you Neha
dupia
Correct your spelling
Dhupia
Submitted by artiben27 on

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Greeting and Closing
Ensure to use a proper greeting and closing to frame your letter more formally. For example, 'Dear Mr. Mehul,' to begin and 'Sincerely, Neha Dupia' to end.
Spelling and Word Choice
Check for spelling errors and improve word choice for professionalism. For instance, 'mixture' should be 'mixer', and 'it did not working' should be 'it is not working'.
Paragraph Structure
Use paragraphs to organize your letter into a clear structure: one for the introduction, one for each issue, and one for the resolution requested.
Linking Ideas
Enhance coherence by linking ideas more smoothly and using transitions where necessary to help the reader follow your argument.
Problem Description
You effectively described the problem and what actions you took, clearly explaining the situation.
Resolution Request
Your request to the manager is clear and polite, fitting the context of the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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