the top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibility

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Everyone needs

money

to live life and making

money

is not quite easy these days. Some

people

do business only aiming to earn

money

for themselves

while

other

people

think to help

people

through their work. And I think

people

should be responsible for what they are doing because without

customer's

Change noun form

customer

show examples

satisfaction, they won't be able to

expend

Correct your spelling

expand

show examples

their work and

people

will come to them only for one time.

Firstly

, no one would go to the same place to buy things if they

know

Wrong verb form

knew

show examples

that the owner

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

not responsible for what they

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

selling. Not only for shopping,

this

applies to every field. As there is a saying ' customer is always right', everyone is selling something. Some sell goods for household uses,

while

others sell ideas or workloads. If a person or place is not trustworthy, they won't have any regular customers.

For example

, the electronic appliances of Philips have

warranty

Add an article

a warranty

show examples

which means that they will be in charge of it if something happens to the device within the given period.

Moreover

, every business needs to start from zero and slowly day by day, they make it bigger. To do

this

, Customers play a crucial role. Without the consumption of the products by buyers, the owners only get failures. So,

it is clear that

sellers and buyers are depending on each other. And

this

can be only possible with trust. To illustrate

this

7 eleven

Correct your spelling

7-Eleven

shops are becoming more popular in Thailand as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can maintain

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

customer service well. In conclusion, businesses are easy to start up but difficult to maintain

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

success and I

am disagree

Change the verb form

disagree

show examples

that social responsibility can be ignored just to earn

money

. Both are relying on one another. So, if they maintain the buyer's satisfaction, they will easily get

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

regular customers for their work.

Submitted by nmpppp4444 on Wed May 01 2024

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Introduction

Make sure your essay begins with a clear introduction that directly addresses the question. It's good to state your position clearly in the introduction for a stronger impact.

Body Paragraphs

Develop your paragraphs more fully. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by specific examples or explanations. Aim for depth and detail in your supporting points.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on linking your ideas more clearly. Transition phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly, making your essay easier to follow.

Conclusion

In your conclusion, restate your main points and your overall opinion more decisively. This helps reinforce your argument and gives your essay a strong finish.

Language Use

For higher scores, integrate more varied and complex sentence structures. This not only demonstrates a higher level of English proficiency but also makes your writing more interesting.

Examples

Good use of relevant examples to support your points. This strengthens your argument effectively.

Structure

Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout which aids in understanding your stance and arguments.

Thesis

You have a clear thesis statement that guides the direction of your essay, effectively addressing the task prompt.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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the top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many countries today crime novels and TV crime dramas are becoming more and more popular. Why do you think these books and TV shows are popular? What is your opinion of crime fiction and TV crime dramas?

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?