IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 opt to mainly focus on studying for a qualification,
while
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 others prefer to discover various
subjects
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 apart from their main
subjects
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. Personally, I tend to learn about different
subjects
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besides
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 major
subjects
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. Nowadays, many jobs require certain qualifications to prove that you have the relevant skills.
Therefore
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, a freshman with a qualification will be more easily to get a job after graduation.
However
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, it is important to find out what
is
Verb problem
apply
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your passion about before spending a lot of time on the test. If the industry does not meet the student's expectations
then
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 those time were all wasted. Take accounting ,
for example
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, many
students
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 majoring in accounting are prepared for an accountant qualification since their first year in
university
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.
But
Correct word choice
However
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 they find out they do not like accounting at all after they
took
Wrong verb form
take
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 an internship in the industry.
Hence
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, they need to search for a new way after getting a lot of qualifications.
While
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 other
students
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 not only give their time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 main
subjects
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 but
also
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 other
interested
Replace the word
interesting
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subjects
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. They have more chances to make mistakes.
Moreover
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, universities offer diverse courses and abundant resources to
students
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. The
university
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 is like a comfort zone to
students
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, it is really useful for finding a life goal on the campus.
For instance
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,
besides
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 my major which is business I
also
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 take different classes in my
university
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,
such
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 as architecture, engineering, and technology. By undertaking these diverse courses, I learned a basic knowledge of different industries. The most important thing is that
this
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 knowledge opened my mind, and triggered me to understand more knowledge. In conclusion, I tend to discover
this
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 world by learning various
subjects
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 apart from the main
subjects
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. It brings a lot to my life.

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Sentence Variety
Work on integrating more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Example Development
Consider developing your examples further to more effectively support your main points and add depth to your argument.
Balanced Argument
Maintain a balance between discussing both views and your own opinion to ensure a well-rounded response.
Structure
Your essay clearly introduces the topic, presents both sides of the argument, and includes a distinct conclusion, which shows good task response and structure.
Organization
You’ve effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which aids coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Opinion Clarity
Your personal opinion is clear and well-supported, demonstrating good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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