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Band 4.5

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

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The bar graph depicts the survey turnout of 1000 adolescents in 5 countries (USA,
UK
, Mexico,
Japan
, and Egypt). The study tackles the beliefs of the respondents as to what
age
 should one be acceptable to have the rights and responsibilities for marriage, voting and criminal responsibility. In an overview, respondents replied that marriage should be applied
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those over 20 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Japan
. Voting was tabulated to side with the same
age
 proportion in
Japan
,
while
 criminal responsibility was opined to be taken from the
age
 of 18. Marriage was seen to be applicable
greater
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 in
Japan
 and in the
UK
 who are above the
age
 of 20. Americans view it
acceptable
Change preposition
as acceptable
show examples
 starting from the
age
 of 18. Both Mexicans and Egyptians think 16 is the right marrying
age
.
Furthermore
, the power to vote at the
age
 of 20 was seen
mandatory
Change preposition
as mandatory
show examples
 in
Japan
;
however
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Egypt reserved that right for citizens at the
age
 of 17. The Britons,
as well as
 Mexicans, wanted it to be applied a year younger.
Lastly
,
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
show examples
 culpability
age
 limit should begin at 18 years old in
Japan
,
whereas
 the
UK
 and the Mexican respondents believe it must be imposed at the
age
 of 15 and a year before in Egypt. It was the USA subjects who saw it necessary to lower the threshold to 12 years old.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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Introduction
Start with a brief introductory sentence that provides context to the graph being described. This sets the stage for your detailed analysis.
Conclusion
Consider providing a small conclusion or summary statement at the end of your report. This can help to encapsulate your overall findings and provide a clear end to your piece.
Paragraph Organization
Organize your essay so that each paragraph focuses on a particular aspect or category from the graph. This approach aids in maintaining thematic coherence throughout your report.
Data Analysis
Make sure to compare and contrast the data where relevant, to enhance the analytical depth of your report.
Overview
You provided a clear and comprehensive overview of the survey's findings, effectively setting the stage for more detailed analysis.
Specific Examples
Your report makes use of specific examples and data points from the survey, which strengthens the task achievement.
Logical Flow
The description of your ideas follows a logical order, which makes your essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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