some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones . why is this case / is this positive or negative development

in the contemporary
era
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era,
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the
use
of technology is increasing not only
in
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among
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the
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apply
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adults but
also
in
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
too
Rephrase
apply
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,
which
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apply
show examples
has so many reasons which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will discuss in the following paragraphs . I believe that it has a negative
impact
on them . There are various causes why the
use
of mobile
phones
is
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
.
First
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The first
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and foremost reason is that education . Nowadays schools are teaching their students online
due to
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apply
show examples
which students have to
use
the
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apply
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mobile
phones
for doing their homework ,assignments and other
curriculam
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curriculum
curricular
activities . I remember when
i
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I
show examples
was studying there
were
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was
show examples
no need
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for
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of
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for
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any electronic gadgets in my school , which was a really good time
.
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Moreover
moreover
,
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apply
show examples
in
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apply
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these days parents are working so they
dont
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do not
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have enough time to spend with their
children
so they give them
phones
to keep them busy so they can do their work , which is
also
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a
show examples
big reason for excessive
use
of mobile
phones
among peers.
According to
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
this
impact
has so many downsides
to
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for
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the
children
.
Firstly
, it could
put
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have
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bad
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a bad
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impact
on their eyes because using a phone screen for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
time could decrease their eyesight , and could be
reason
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the reason
a reason
show examples
for
migarane
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migraine
which is a serious problem for
children
.
For example
, one of my best
friend '
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friend's
show examples
nephew
Fix the agreement mistake
nephews
show examples
lost her eyesight just because of using
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
for whole days.
furthernore
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Furthermore
, it
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impact
on their behaviour , because they
dont
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don't
like to talk with anyone when they are using their
phones
, they get irritated which is not a good
habbit
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habit
. in
conculsion
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conclusion
, there are
multifariours reasins behid
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multifarious reasons behind
this
development but it has many negative impacts on
children
.
Submitted by jass.sekhon4693 on

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structure
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cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. Connecting sentences and ideas smoothly will enhance your coherence.
task response
For task response, ensure you're directly addressing all parts of the question. Both the causes and the impacts should be explored thoroughly.
accuracy
Work on spelling and grammatical accuracy. Common mistakes can detract from the overall quality of your writing.
opinion
You clearly state your opinion, which is essential for a strong task response.
examples
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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