IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are planning a holiday to Australia. You have been given the name and address of a hotel in the centre of Sydney and would like further information. Write a letter to the hotel. Ask about the availability of the rooms and the hotel's facilities. Find out if the hotel arranges day trips and ask them to send you a brochure.

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 message to you in order to find
further
Linking Words
 information
Change preposition
about
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 your beautiful hotel. I was informed by my colleague who was one of your guests
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 stayed with you
last
Linking Words
 week. I have heard about good reviews and planned to
visiting
Change the verb form
visit
show examples
 you on my special occasion. I am planning to stay with you on 31 June
this
Linking Words
 year which is
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my birthday,
hence
Linking Words
, I implore you to provide me
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 room availability
as well as
Linking Words
 the room cost on that
day
Use synonyms
 for one person
inclusive
Replace the word
including
show examples
 breakfast and spa.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in order to
celebrating
Change the verb
celebrate
show examples
 my special occasion, I was
also
Linking Words
 thinking about spending
this
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
 to do a
one
Add a hyphen
one-day
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 trip to the centre of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sydney and visiting the beautiful city, to arrange
this
Linking Words
 special
day
Use synonyms
, kindly send me a brochure of
this
Linking Words
 trip package and I really learnt about it. Thank you for your attention and I am really looking forward to hearing from you soon to make
this
Linking Words
 wonderful
day
Use synonyms
 memorable. Sincerely yours Nipeacene

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Positive Feedback
It's delightful to see the personal touch you've added by mentioning your birthday and the special occasion. This adds a unique flair to your letter and makes your request more memorable.
Improvement Suggestion
Consider rephrasing to correct small inaccuracies for clarity, such as 'message' to 'letter' and addressing specific details like 'the room cost on that day for one person inclusive breakfast and spa' more succinctly. This will enhance readability and ensure your intentions are clearly understood.
Improvement Suggestion
For better coherence, organizing your requests more clearly in separate paragraphs could enhance the readability of your letter. Each major request (room availability, facilities, day trips, and brochure) could be its own paragraph.
Positive Feedback
The greeting and closing of your letter are polite and appropriate, setting a respectful tone for your interaction with the hotel.
Tone & Engagement
The personal touch of mentioning it's for a special occasion adds a nice flair.
Task Achievement
Your letter addresses all the requested information (room availability, facilities, arranging day trips, and requesting a brochure), showing good attention to task requirements.
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