Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated in amusement parks for the purpose of people’s recreation. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Explain your reasons and support them with specific examples.
#move #ocean #creatures #habitat #sea #amusement #parks #purpose #people’s #recreation #development #support
In recent times,
sea
creatures
from their natural habitat
are
relocated to amusement Wrong verb form
have been
park
for people’s recreation. I disagree that the advantages outweigh the Fix the agreement mistake
parks
disadvantage
because it can disturb the lives of other Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
creatures
living in the ocean
and it can be harmful for animals to switch from a vast ocean
to a tiny glass aquarium.
Moving sea
creatures
from ocean
to parks can Correct article usage
the ocean
disrupts
the environment of the Wrong verb form
disrupt
ocean
. This
is because when animals are removed from the habitat
is
can create Correct your spelling
it
a
emptiness in the food chain and can sometimes cause in complete destruction of species that are Change the article
an
depended
on other organisms for survival.
Replace the word
dependent
For instance
, a species of fish called Nemo went extinct because aquarium owners took sea-algae
for redecorating their facility.
Correct your spelling
sea algae
Moreover
, it is very inhuman to lock up fishes and other creatures
that lived
Wrong verb form
live
a
big space like Change preposition
in a
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
into
a small cramped glass. Most of the fish and other Change preposition
in
creatures
that come from ocean
roam around freely throughout their Correct article usage
the ocean
habitat
in search of food, suddenly switching them to a limited space can cause depression and can be fatal to the organisms. For example
, in a recent article from The Times of India, it was mentioned most of the dolphins that are kept locked up in recreational park
suffer from mental stress and depression as they are very social animals.
In conclusion, even though there are a few advantages to moving Fix the agreement mistake
parks
sea
creatures
closer to human
, it is very inhuman to lock Fix the agreement mistake
humans
sea
creatures
in smaller spaces or relocating
them from their natural Wrong verb form
relocate
habitat
for people’s recreational purpose
.Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively communicates your viewpoint and presents a clear argument against relocating sea creatures to amusement parks for recreation. To enhance your score, consider exploring both sides of the argument more thoroughly, even if your position is against it. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is great. To improve, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs and ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider range of linking words and phrases that show comparison, contrast, cause and effect, etc.
Task Achievement
To elevate your essay, it would be beneficial to cite more varied and detailed examples. While the examples provided support your point, incorporating a broader range of evidence or more specific data could strengthen your argument and increase the impact of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have clearly communicated your viewpoint against the relocation of sea creatures to amusement parks.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which is a positive aspect of your writing.
Task Achievement
By providing examples such as the fish species called Nemo and the condition of dolphins, you've effectively used specific instances to support your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.