IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Percentage change in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality, 1995-1998

#percentage #change #crime #arrests #persons #locality
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The line graph gives information about the
percentage
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 of some
crime
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 arrests for persons under 18 by locality between 1995 and 1998.
Overall
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, in 1995, teenagers committed a
crime
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 more than in other years in suburban
areas
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, which was the biggest indicator. Moving to a detailed analysis, in the beginning, the rate of criminal incidents stood at 2 per cent and
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 indicator increased dramatically and reached a peak of 8% from 1995 to 1996. Afterwards, the proportion of
crime
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 rises significantly by 10% between 1996 and 1997 in suburban
areas
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, despite
this
Linking Words
 figure a slight increase to 0% in 1998. The
crime
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 indicator of the area of rural and urban stood at 3% and 1%, approximately.
Next,
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure remained stable at 3% in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
percentage
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slightly rose to 2% in urban
areas
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 between 1995 and 1996. Ultimately, the
percentage
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 of criminals fell gradually in rural and urban
areas
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 to -2% and -4%, which was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative
percentage
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 from 1997 to 1998.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure to provide a clear and concise introduction and conclusion to your essay. An effective conclusion summarizes the main points discussed and restates the overall trend or conclusion drawn from the data.
Clarity & Accuracy
Work on making your descriptions more precise and accurate. For example, reviewing the use of terms like 'slight increase to 0%' which might be confusing. Clarify whether it means there was no change or a very minimal increase.
Language Variety
Try to include a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your description and analysis of the graph.
Logical Connections
Your essay could benefit from clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between different points.
Comprehensive Overview
You have successfully identified and reported the trends for all the localities mentioned, providing a comprehensive overview of the data.
Detail Oriented
Your essay provides a good level of detail in breaking down the specific changes in percentage over the years for each locality.
Logical Structure
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with a clear sequence from introduction to detailed analysis and a conclusion. This helps in making your essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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