IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is an increasing trend sround the world to have a small family rather than a large family. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of having small families rather than a large family.

#trend #sround #world #families
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Traditions and customs are rapidly changing.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 in many countries are now choosing to have less number of
children
Use synonyms
 than in the past.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine what are the main advantages and potential drawbacks from both
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 and
parents
Use synonyms
'
persperctives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
perspective
, of having smaller
families
Use synonyms
. The benefits of having only
one
Use synonyms
 or two
children
Use synonyms
 are obvious. On a very basic level, a smaller family means more money and more time together.
Whereas
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 with many
children
Use synonyms
 tend to spend their days juggling school drop-offs, and
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities,
not to mention
Linking Words
 work and
runnning
Correct your spelling
running
 a home. Those with only
one
Use synonyms
 or two have far fewer demands on their time and wallets. From the child's point of view, if they are an only child or have just
one
Use synonyms
 sibling, they will receive far more attention and
emotinal
Correct your spelling
emotional
 support than if they were competing with four or five siblings for that attention.
This
Linking Words
 can have
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 benefits, not just for their
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 but in their academic and professional lives too. Despite these positives, many people still consider a small family problematic. From the parent's point of view, there may be concern for their own welfare in old age. When they get older and start requiring physical assistance, there is a risk when a couple has no
children
Use synonyms
 or only
one
Use synonyms
 to take care of them. In my country,
such
Linking Words
 people often end up in
state owned
Add a hyphen
state-owned
show examples
 aged care facilities, which can be impersonal and even isolating. Another concern some have with
Use synonyms
one child
Add a hyphen
one-child
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 is that
parents
Use synonyms
 are creating selfish
ego maniacs
Correct your spelling
egomaniacs
show examples
. Rather than
beneftting
Correct your spelling
benefiting
benefitting
 from
parents
Use synonyms
' attention as mentioned above, these youngsters can be over-parented and potentially grow up spoiled and entitled. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
families
Use synonyms
 are getting smaller in general,
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
this
Linking Words
 is a positive or not depends on the individual. Personally,
while
Linking Words
 I can acknowledge the potential problems, I feel that smaller
families
Use synonyms
 are ultimately better off.
Submitted by hudibaiqbal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
Focus on developing more complex sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to enrich the text.
Task Achievement
Ensure to balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages by providing equal depth and detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider introducing more explicit connections and transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
Structure
Effective use of introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for the discussion and wrapping up the argument cohesively.
Content Depth
Good integration of perspectives from both parents and children, providing a balanced view on the topic.
Clarity
Clear and logical structure throughout the essay, facilitating easy understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: