Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?
In
these day
, Change the determiner
this day
these days
violence
in media split
Wrong verb form
splits
the
society Correct article usage
apply
in to
two, some Join the words
into
thinks
that Correct subject-verb agreement
think
violence
on the big screen has a bad side effect on community's
Correct article usage
the community's
behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
on the other hand
, some believe it dose
not Correct your spelling
does
has
any Correct subject-verb agreement
have
what so ever
harm or Correct your spelling
whatsoever
effect's
Change noun form
effect
to consume
entertainment material Change preposition
on consuming
on
people's Change preposition
apply
behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
in addition
, I think it is completely safe to watch, read , and play violent video
games
. And, In this
essay
I will give my opinion in Add a comma
essay,
details
.
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
firstly
, i
think people Change the capitalization
I
committing
Wrong verb form
commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
is
Correct your spelling
as
result
of Add an article
the result
a result
there
living conditions, Correct your spelling
their
such
as poverty and discrimination, also
, education play
a huge role Change the verb form
plays
on
Change preposition
in
crimes
rates. Change the noun form
crime
moreover
one article published in the Oman Add a comma
moreover,
times
magazine stated that Capitalize word
Times
crimes rate
are increasing staidly in regions of the world with minimum education levels among Fix the agreement mistake
crime rates
it
population. Change the pronoun
its
there for
, the media Correct your spelling
Therefore
in
not to be blamed here.
Correct your spelling
is
secondly
, violent movies and gory video
games
are the most watched and played media in JAPAN which in
considered one of the safest countries in the world Correct your spelling
is
according to
the famous traveling
website Change the spelling
travelling
TRIPADVAISOR
, in Correct your spelling
TRIPADVISOR
other word
, there was no evidence or a study linking Change the wording
another word
other words
violence
to a single crime committed, to put it more simply, many education entities have integrated playing games
that include the killing animals to gather there meat and fur.
finally
, in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
games
and movies are not to be blamed in this
matter , not only that, its
hard to ignore the positive side of watching and playing violent Replace the word
it's
it is
games
on people's behavior
.
Change the spelling
behaviour
Inconclusion
, I believe Correct your spelling
In conclusion
violence
in movies and video
games
has nothing to do with damaging effects on mankind. rather, the opposite in some countries such
as JAPAN with safest
roads in the world and the lowest crime rate, I clearly believe that gore in Correct article usage
the safest
video
game
is one hundred Fix the agreement mistake
games
percent
safe.Change the spelling
per cent
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coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to create more complex and sophisticated sentences, adding depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure proper and consistent use of tenses throughout your essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Check your essay for spelling and grammar errors to enhance readability and formality.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument with more diverse and specific examples to support your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Clarify your opinion from the beginning and maintain a clear stance throughout the essay to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
A clear attempt to address the essay prompt with a structured approach, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Good effort in providing examples to support arguments, such as the reference to Japan and the Oman Times magazine article.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.