IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Percentage change in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality . 1995-1998

#percentage #change #crime #arrests #persons #locality
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates the proportions of offense
arrest
Fix the agreement mistake
arrests
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 under 18 by locality between 1995 and 1998 .
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
evidence
Replace the word
evident
show examples
 that the percentages of rural and urban followed almost the same trend ,
whereas
Linking Words
 the highest and lowest rates
observed
Add a missing verb
were observed
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the suburban
show examples
suburban
Replace the word
suburbs
show examples
 from 1995 to 1998 . Moving to a detailed analysis, at the beginning of the period the rate of suburban stood at 2 % .
Then
Linking Words
 the that of suburban increased dramatically and reached approximately 8 % .
However
Linking Words
 ,
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
begun
Add the auxiliary verb
began
has begun
show examples
 to
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 sharply and reached around -2% over the following
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year .
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the indicator of suburban rose slightly With regard to rural and urban , between 1995 and 1996 the figure for rural climbed slightly ,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
that
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 urban almost
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable . There
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a noticeable decrease in percentages of rural and suburban until
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the period
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure you present an overview that includes all key trends, without focusing excessively on one category.
task achievement
Highlight key changes and comparisons more clearly and directly.
coherence and cohesion
Structure your paragraphs more effectively, ensuring each one has a clear main idea supported by relevant data.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to improve readability and flow.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear general overview in the introductory statement.
task achievement
You made an effort to describe trends over the given period, showing changes in crime arrest rates.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: