IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that due to heavy traffic, governments need to build more roads in metropolitan cities, while others argue this is not the right solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #traffic #governments #roads #cities #right
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays people
affect
Wrong verb form
are affected
show examples
 by
traffic
 jams because in our time cars are
integral
Change the article
an integral
show examples
 part of our lives.
Therefore
 some say we need to build more roads, but
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 it really
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 solution? I want to give two excellent examples
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
 I don’t agree with the first option. There was a huge
traffic
 Jam in 2010 years, China, for 260km
road
Change preposition
of road
show examples
 that lasted over 2 weeks! It is important to note that
this
 situation happened not
due to
 the car accident . The reason was with widening of the road and a large flow of cars. The second one happened in 2012,
Russia
Change preposition
in Russia
show examples
 . 200km road that lasted for 3 days. The reason was because of the bad weather conditions.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand a heap of roads might be seen as a great decision , it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may offer relief for
traffic
, but it is not a comprehensive solution and may exacerbate long-term problems. But afterwards, building overly new roads can expose certain effects on the environment. We should not interfere with nature and creatures because by and by it will lead
such
Change preposition
to such
show examples
 spilling problems as air pollution, habitat destruction and ecological damage. Frankly speaking, these are reasons why I do agree with the second statement, that we need
looking
Change the verb form
to look
show examples
 for another solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 objective. To sum everything up , there is no unequivocally way, but
instead
 of damaging our mother nature, dooming
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 annihilation , people need to
come
Verb problem
find
show examples
 another way to protect themselves from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution and improve  the 
traffic
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Improvement
Consider clarifying and expanding your introduction. It could better set up the context and preview your main points more clearly.
Paragraphing
Work on paragraphing to improve clarity and the flow of ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
Addressing the Prompt
Ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt throughout. Restate the question in your own words in the introduction, and clearly state your position.
Language Variety
Try to use a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your expression and avoid repetition.
Conclusion Improvement
Focus on providing a more developed conclusion that summarizes your argument and restates your position clearly.
Relevant Examples
You used relevant examples to support your points, such as the traffic jams in China and Russia, which strengthens your argument.
Critical Thinking
You addressed a critical perspective on the issue by considering the environmental impact, showing depth in your reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: