IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tools. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tools #effect
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Some
indevsuals
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individuals
consedier
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consider
 video
games
 to be
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 teaching
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 with no harm in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
howver
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However
 others disagree and think it has
alot
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a lot
 of
advers
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adverse
 effects, in my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 blelive that
viedio
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video
games
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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usefull
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useful
 and can have a
plesent
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pleasant
 outcome on
Correct article usage
a persions
show examples
persions
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person
 life .
firstly
,
viedeo
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video
games
has had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
provieded
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provided
 a new generation of teaching methods it has
also
 resulted in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very
detetromintal
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detrimental
outcoms
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outcomes
outcome
.One of the very
commen
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common
 teaching
motheds
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methods
 that are useful
.for instents
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for instance
,
vichal
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Michael
vital
Vishal
 driving
lesseons
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lessons
similations
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simulations
. Using these
similations
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simulations
 can give new drivers basic
knowloge
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knowledge
 of driving and
manowvering
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manoeuvring
 a
vichel
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Michael
 in the real world.
secondlly
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Secondly
, other ways to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 a whole team of
student
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students
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
a compition
show examples
compition
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competition
 to score the highest point
vie
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via
show examples
 interactive video
games
.
Stumultion
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Stimulation
 the students to
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achieve
achive
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achieve
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 points in the game without having the strict classroom
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atmosphere
atmosphir
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atmosphere
Submitted by fatimahalsalman215 on

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Introduction
Try to ensure that your introduction provides a clear stance on the topic. A more explicit thesis statement could enhance clarity.
Grammar & Spelling
Consider revising your essay for grammatical accuracy and spelling. Small errors can be distracting and may impact the clarity of your message.
Consistency in Tense
Be mindful of maintaining a consistent verb tense throughout your essay. This will help in achieving a more coherent and professional tone.
Conclusion
Expand your conclusion to include a summary of your main points and reiterate your stance on the topic. This helps in reinforcing your argument.
Paragraph Structure
Using paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas can significantly improve the readability of your essay. Aim for a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Use of Examples
You provided some specific examples, such as the use of vehicle driving lesson simulations, which is great for illustrating your point.
Engagement with Topic
Your essay engages with the topic creatively by considering both educational benefits and potential drawbacks of video games.
Tone
You maintain a positive and enthusiastic tone throughout the essay, which makes for an engaging read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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