IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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The goal of science is to lead a happy life. I totally agree with
this
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 view because it makes our lives more comfortable than
Change preposition
in our
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our
Change the word
the
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 past.
Firstly
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, scientists are gradually trying to discover new things which are beneficial for humans. Recently, transportation
system
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systems
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is
Wrong verb form
have been
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 more developed because of their innovation.
As a result
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, people easily communicate with others.
Additionally
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, new technologies are revealed
due to
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 science.
For example
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, some researchers conducted research and found that scientists are able to display
computer
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computers
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, mobile phones,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, social media and so on, which makes human
works more
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work
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 easier than their ancient times. If anyone
use
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uses
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 these, they will find any unknown information within a second and they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rely their every
sectors
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sector
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 on
this
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.
On the other hand
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, medicines are another important innovation. In the past
mens
Correct your spelling
men
men's
means
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
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manu
Correct your spelling
many
 unknown diseases and they did not know remedies but nowadays researchers found many techniques and amends.
For instance
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, the USA doctors published some drugs, which protect
human
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the human
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 body from cancer and AIDS.
Moreover
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, they are not stopped
in
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at
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this
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 point. They are continuously trying for items.
In addition
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, Agriculture is another sector, where agriculturists
are
Verb problem
have
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 developed new
high yielding
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high-yielding
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 varieties, which supply our food demand in
whole
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the whole
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 world and people
are
Verb problem
do
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 not suffer
due to
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Correct article usage
the shortage
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shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
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 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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.
Although
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lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 gradually reducing, scientists show new objects, which increase our abilities. In conclusion, modern science has some disadvantages but
their
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its
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 facilities
gives
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give
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 us more peace. If the government takes necessary steps for drawbacks, individuals have no
complain
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complaints
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against
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about
show examples
this
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.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

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Organization
To improve clarity and coherence, focus on organizing your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should clearly focus on a single main idea with examples directly supporting that point.
Introduction & Conclusion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion to more directly address the prompt. The introduction could more explicitly state your position, and the conclusion should summarize your arguments more succinctly.
Language Use
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures and more precise vocabulary. This can make your arguments more compelling and your writing style more sophisticated.
Examples
Provide more detailed specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While general statements are good, detailed examples can more effectively demonstrate how science improves lives.
Task Response
You've clearly articulated a strong position in agreement with the statement that science aims to improve people's lives, which directly responds to the task.
Use of Examples
You've effectively used examples, such as advancements in technology, medicine, and agriculture, to support your arguments.
Engagement
Your enthusiasm for the topic comes through in your writing, adding a persuasive element to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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