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Band 2.5

Government investment in the arsts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Discuss both the views and views and give opinion.

#government #investment #arsts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
Federal bodies
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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huge
Add an article
a huge
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 chunk of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 recreational activities
such
 as music and theatre. One school of thoughts believe that money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 is not worth it and can be used
in providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
 better public services. In
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be
Correct your spelling
discussing
dicussing
Correct your spelling
discussing
 both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 plus I
would be providing
Wrong verb form
will provide
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 my opinion
Change preposition
at
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end.
Firstly
, People in various countries
are lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
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 basic services and
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should be looking after
bettering
Verb problem
improving
show examples
 those services. To cite an example, People living in Pakistan
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have
24 hours
Correct your spelling
24-hour
 electricity and water supply. Government can work on
betterment
Correct article usage
the betterment
show examples
 of those
servies
Correct your spelling
services
. Adding to that CBC
New
Fix the agreement mistake
News
show examples
last
 year stated that 5% of the population in Pakistan is
homless
Correct your spelling
homeless
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can work on providing shelters for the needy.
Furthermore
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system in many countries is not stable or expensive.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, countries like Bangladesh and Bhutan
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 no proper education system.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can work on improving that. On the other side, improving recreational activities
such
 as music and drama not only
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 but
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 t
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Task Achievement
Expand your discussion to include both viewpoints in a balanced way before concluding with your opinion. This ensures a comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
Work on providing a more detailed conclusion to fully express your stance and summarise your discussion. This would improve clarity and completeness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use paragraphing to help organize your thoughts and arguments more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance logical structure, use transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to better guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Provides specific examples to support points, such as the situation in Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Bhutan, which strengthens your arguments.
Task Achievement
You maintain a clear position throughout the essay, which is crucial for task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of topic sentences to introduce your points, aiding coherence and overall structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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