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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts illustrate the changes
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 born inside and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
living
Correct word choice
and living
show examples
 in
difeerent
Correct your spelling
different
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen from the bar charts that the most of
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 inside and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 chose to
living
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 in both two
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
. It is apparent that
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 who chose to
living
Change the verb
live
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1995
is incrasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 60
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in towns and rural areas
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 decreasing from 20 and 30 to 15
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2010.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 who chose to
living
Change the verb
live
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 from 60 to 80
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2010.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of towns and rural areas
is decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 1995 to 2010 at 10 and 5
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the trend of living in
cities
Use synonyms
 is increasing in both
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 but in trends of towns and rural areas
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 in 2010.
Submitted by kran0630482559 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities, percentages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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