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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The three charts below show the value in Australian dollars of Australian trade with three different countries from 2004 to 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The three charts below show the value in Australian dollars of Australian trade with three different countries from 2004 to 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
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The three line graphs illustrate the value of
Australian
Use synonyms
trade
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 various countries
such
Linking Words
 as China,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States between 2004 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the line graphs that the amount of Australia's
trade
Use synonyms
 in both
imports
Use synonyms
 and
exports
Use synonyms
 was increasing in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. The figures are given in
Use synonyms
billion
Fix the agreement mistake
billions
show examples
. It is apparent that the number of Australia's
trade
Use synonyms
 with
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 for
imports
Use synonyms
 and
exports
Use synonyms
incrased
Correct your spelling
increased
 at 12 and 18
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 from 2004 to 28 and 35
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the number of
Use synonyms
Australian's
Change noun form
Australian
show examples
trade
Use synonyms
 with
Japan
Use synonyms
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
exports
Use synonyms
 started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 21
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
,rising to 29
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2007 and peak
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 42
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2008, after that drop to 30 in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2009.
However
Linking Words
,
imports
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 still stable at 20
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 over the
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the amount of
Use synonyms
Australian's
Change noun form
Australian
show examples
trade
Use synonyms
 with
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, started from
imports
Use synonyms
 and
exports
Use synonyms
 at 21 and 9
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, before
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 increase to 21 and 10
billion
Use synonyms
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, respectively in 2009.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Australia's
trade
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 China and
Japan
Use synonyms
 found that
exports
Use synonyms
 more than
imports
Use synonyms
 over the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
.
Submitted by kran0630482559 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australian, trade, japan, imports, exports, billion, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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