IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Crime rate, in most countries is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What are the causes and solutions?

#crime #rate #countries #areas
The criminal
rate
 has been found to be higher in Urban areas than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
cities
.
This
 is mainly because of
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 number of
foreigners
 and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of living. There are suitable
solutions
 which can be applied to deal with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
rate
 of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
 in the city. The most important reason for
increasing
Replace the word
the increase in
show examples
 the criminal
rate
 has been released from the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in the number of
foreigners
 annually, is
due to
 the availability of all amenities and entertainment in civilized
cities
 as compared with rural areas.
In addition
, tourists and illegal residents have made the problem more complicated.
Furthermore
, the second reason is backed
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the elevation in the cost of living for all people with limited salary.
In other words
, people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 shopping, eating, travelling
as well as
 studying.
Consequently
, many of
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 struggle financially which leads them back to crime. Interestingly, there are two effective
solutions
 to reduce the
rate
 of crime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Urban
cities
 dramatically.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 method to tackle
this
 issue is to control and modify the immigration of
foreigners
 to these
cities
.
This
 can be done by making restrictions on tourist’s
permeant
Correct your spelling
permanent
show examples
as well as
 temporary residency which should be renewed annually.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 method of dealing with criminals’
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 is to have a good plan for increasing the salary will be treated on the
crime’s
Change noun form
crime
show examples
rate
. By doing
this
, it will help them integrate into society and give them some value
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 supporting themselves financially. In conclusion, controlling and modifying the immigration laws of
foreigners
 to Urban areas and
also
 a good plan for increasing the salary are impact
solutions
 in dealing with
this
 matter. Truthfully, if governments applied these
solutions
,
crime’s
Change noun form
crime
show examples
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 would soon decline.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task response
Expand on specific examples to support points. While the essay presents arguments clearly, including more detailed examples would enhance the support for your main points, making your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Your essay has a good structure, but incorporating more transitional phrases could improve the flow between your points, making your writing more cohesive.
task response
You have addressed the task directly, presenting causes and solutions in a structured way which is essential for a high score in task response.
coherence cohesion
You've used a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which is good practice for coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anonymity
  • social cohesion
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • desperation
  • urban stressors
  • mental health
  • community policing
  • job opportunities
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • public spaces
  • surveillance cameras
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • reintegration programs
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