IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Crime rate, in most countries is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What are the causes and solutions?

#crime #rate #countries #areas
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The criminal
rate
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 has been found to be higher in Urban areas than
rural
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in rural
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cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of
higher
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a higher
the higher
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 number of
foreigners
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 and
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 cost of living. There are suitable
solutions
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 which can be applied to deal with
high
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a high
the high
show examples
rate
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 of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
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 in the city. The most important reason for
increasing
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the increase in
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 the criminal
rate
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 has been released from the
increasing
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increase
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 in the number of
foreigners
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 annually, is
due to
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 the availability of all amenities and entertainment in civilized
cities
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 as compared with rural areas.
In addition
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, tourists and illegal residents have made the problem more complicated.
Furthermore
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, the second reason is backed
to
Change preposition
by
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 the elevation in the cost of living for all people with limited salary.
In other words
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, people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more money
in
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on
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 shopping, eating, travelling
as well as
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 studying.
Consequently
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, many of
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 struggle financially which leads them back to crime. Interestingly, there are two effective
solutions
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 to reduce the
rate
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 of crime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Urban
cities
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 dramatically.
First
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The first
show examples
 method to tackle
this
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 issue is to control and modify the immigration of
foreigners
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 to these
cities
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.
This
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 can be done by making restrictions on tourist’s
permeant
Correct your spelling
permanent
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as well as
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 temporary residency which should be renewed annually.
Second
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The second
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 method of dealing with criminals’
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rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 is to have a good plan for increasing the salary will be treated on the
crime’s
Change noun form
crime
show examples
rate
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. By doing
this
Linking Words
, it will help them integrate into society and give them some value
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 supporting themselves financially. In conclusion, controlling and modifying the immigration laws of
foreigners
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 to Urban areas and
also
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 a good plan for increasing the salary are impact
solutions
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 in dealing with
this
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 matter. Truthfully, if governments applied these
solutions
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,
crime’s
Change noun form
crime
show examples
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 would soon decline.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task response
Expand on specific examples to support points. While the essay presents arguments clearly, including more detailed examples would enhance the support for your main points, making your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Your essay has a good structure, but incorporating more transitional phrases could improve the flow between your points, making your writing more cohesive.
task response
You have addressed the task directly, presenting causes and solutions in a structured way which is essential for a high score in task response.
coherence cohesion
You've used a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which is good practice for coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anonymity
  • social cohesion
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • desperation
  • urban stressors
  • mental health
  • community policing
  • job opportunities
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • public spaces
  • surveillance cameras
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • reintegration programs
What to do next:
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