IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

#species #animals #risk
The report of increasing numbers of animals that have gone extinct has raised public concerns. The various factors that have contributed to
this
 rapid increase
of
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in
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the
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apply
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extinction
 will be discussed in
this
 essay, alongside
with
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apply
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solutions will be suggested. To increase the
country
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country's
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 economy, tourism development is crucial.
Firstly
, like many developing
country
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countries
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, over-infrastructure has put a negative
impacts
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impact
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 on the environment.
For example
, in Thailand, in order to attract more foreign visitors, they demolished
large
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a large
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 amount of forest to build hotels, tourist attractions and facilities.
This
 large scale of
demolish
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demolition
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 has
lended
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led
 to deforestation, causing pollution and disturbing different unique
ecosystem
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ecosystems
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 among
the
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apply
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wild animals. These factors have narrowed the
change
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chance
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 of survival and accelerated the
extinction
. To decline the speed of animal
extinction
, the Government has an important role. First of all, establishing regulations on human activities
at
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in
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 the wild. Control the number and scale
on
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of
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 building tourist-related infrastructures. Apply penalty for illegal construction. But most of all, educate the public
the
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on the
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 importance
on
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of
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 conserving
the
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apply
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natural
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nature
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. In conclusion, to protect the wild animals from
extinction
. It is critical for
human
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humans
show examples
 to stop over-construction. The government should
also
 implement laws on illegal human activity in the wild so that our nature can be preserved.
Submitted by nataliewong313 on

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lexical resource
Consider diversifying your vocabulary more. Using a greater range of vocabulary can enhance the clarity of your ideas and arguments.
grammatical range and accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('This large scale of demolish has lended to deforestation' should be 'This large scale of demolition has led to deforestation'). Improving your grammar will make your argument more persuasive and your essay easier to follow.
task response
Try to develop your ideas more fully with further examples or explanations. This will help in fully addressing the task and making your position clear.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay paragraphs are well-organized. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details. This helps in making your essay more coherent and cohesive.
structure
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear thesis statement outlining what the essay will discuss.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the key points made in your essay and restates your position effectively.
examples
You have used relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the situation in Thailand, which helps to illustrate your points clearly.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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