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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram belows the process of producing bottled and canned carbonate drinks.

#belows #process #carbonate #drinks
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The process gives detailed information about how bottled and canned carbonated
water
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 is produced.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the procedure encompasses five sequential stages, commencing with
water
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 purification and culminating in the packaging phase. To commence the process, raw
water
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 undergoes filtration to remove impurities.
Subsequently
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, clarified
water
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 is directed into a
water
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 softener apparatus,
facililating
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facilitating
 ion exchange, where deleterious hard minerals are replaced with sodium ions, making
water
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 soft. Before softened
water
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 is pumped to electric heaters, some chemicals are introduced to optimize its quality. The tempered
water
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 is
channeled
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channelled
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 through a network of cooling pipes. Concurrently, carbon dioxide gas is dissolved to
infuce
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induce
infuse
 carbonation, resulting in the formation of effervescent
water
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. Sparkling
water
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 is conveyed to a mixing tank, where an array of
water
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 additives are added. In detail,
this
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 container is used to combine colouring, syrup, and flavour to achieve quality
of
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apply
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water
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. Combined
water
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 undergoes
further
Linking Words
 refinement through a filtration process, ensuring the removal of any residual impurities before being dispensed into bottles and cans.
Finally
Linking Words
, the packaged beverages are dispatched to retail outlets with the aid of transportation vessels.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
In describing processes, using a wider variety of transitional phrases can improve the flow and readability of your essay. Consider incorporating phrases like 'subsequent to this,' 'following this,' or 'then' for smoother transitions between stages.
task achievement
When detailing technical processes, ensure that the technical terminology is accurately used. For instance, the term 'tempered water' might have been a small error for 'temperature-controlled water' or simply 'heated water.' Paying attention to these details can enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
You've effectively covered all stages of the process, showing a complete understanding of the diagram provided.
coherence cohesion
Your use of passive voice ('is directed', 'is pumped', 'is dissolved') is appropriate for the subject matter and contributes to a formal and clear presentation of the process.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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