IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects at universities in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

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Whether scientific fields of study would not serve
juvenile's
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles'

It seems that juvenile's may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 interests anymore is a crucial issue of public concern and debate. Despite the importance of these science-related majors and their impacts, I will argue that there are several grounds involved in the
emerging
Replace the word
emergence

The word emerging doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 problem
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 its drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 society. There is a widely held view that youngsters have lost their
pation
Correct your spelling
passion

If you don’t want pation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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theoretical subjects including science. By way of clarification, there is a myriad of explanations
why
Change preposition
for why

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 difficulty has been
accured
Correct your spelling
accrued
acquired

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. First and foremost, technological developments are assumed to be of utmost importance on account of the fact that there is a pervasive demand in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 state-of-the-art case. The competent atmosphere of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 career holds so much appeal to youth and encourages them to search
about
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 profession more and more.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 vital factor triggers the number of experts in science subjects. The
dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease

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in the number of scientists,
in addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, has some devastating influences on the existing situation of the world. To confront the upcoming barriers, each state is in
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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need of
an
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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especialist
Correct your spelling
specialist

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who can adhere to the most constructive approaches. Declining in population, professionals will become single-handed in reaching the best solutions.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the deprivation of knowledge will lead to worldwide physical and mental diseases. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 case, the
deprive
Replace the word
deprivation

The word deprive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 of science substantially changes human life and it may threaten all living species altogether. In conclusion, addressing some justifications which are rooted in the mentioned subject of concern, I argued that the lack of satisfaction in the study and the career regarding
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 content will
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted

It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb resulted in a passive voice construction. Consider writing the sentence in the active voice.

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 in a number of irreparable damage to our social life.

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Vocabulary
To further improve your essay, try incorporating a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic. This will help to express your ideas more precisely and demonstrate a high level of language proficiency.
Examples
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This could involve citing scientific endeavors or technological advancements, to reinforce your arguments.
Grammar and Clarity
Be mindful of the clarity and accuracy of your phrasing to enhance the overall readability of your essay. Small grammatical errors can be overlooked, but clarity is key to ensuring your ideas are well understood.
Structure
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, creating a strong framework for your arguments.
Task Response
You have a good grasp of the essay’s requirements, addressing both causes and consequences of the issue at hand.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical progression of ideas through paragraphs demonstrates good skills in organizing content, which is vital for coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lack of interest
  • Motivation
  • Perceived difficulty
  • Career guidance
  • Diverse opportunities
  • Social media influence
  • Trendy fields
  • Outdated curriculum
  • Modern relevance
  • Engagement
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • Public health
  • Innovation
  • Sustainability
  • Skilled workforce
  • Knowledge economy
  • Research and development
  • Scientific literacy
  • Global competitiveness
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