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Band 3.5

the bar chart below shows the top ten countrie for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014.

the bar chart below shows the top ten countrie for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014.
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The bar chart demonstrates the power
production
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 and
consumption
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 in Kilowatts per hour by billions in various
countries
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 by rank in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, ten
countries
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, China and the United States of America, are at the top in terms of
production
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 and
consumption
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. China obtained the first rank with a
production
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 rate of 5,398 and a
consumption
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 rate of 5,322
billion
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kWh
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.
Likewise
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, America stands at 4,099 in
production
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 and 3865
kWh
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 in utilization. Following the top two, Russia, Japan, and India produced 1,057
billion
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kWh
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, 935.2
billion
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kWh
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, and 871
billion
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kWh
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 respectively, with
consumption
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 rates of 1,038
billion
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kWh
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, 856
billion
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kWh
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, and 698.8
billion
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kWh
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 in the same order. Interestingly, apart from Germany, other
countries
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such
Linking Words
 as Canada, France, Brazil, and Korea exhibit similar
production
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 and
consumption
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 rates. The most developed
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countries'
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countries
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production
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 and utilisations are heavily high
due to
Linking Words
 major manufacturing and industrialisation.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production, consumption, countries, billion, kwh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity production
  • electricity consumption
  • gigawatt hours (GWh)
  • renewable energy sources
  • non-renewable energy sources
  • industrialization
  • economic activities
  • carbon footprint
  • sustainability
  • energy efficiency
  • power generation
  • grid capacity
  • energy policies
  • consumption patterns
  • energy demand
  • production-consumption disparity
  • environmental impact
  • greenhouse gas emissions
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