Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Instead
of providing a
Remove the article
quality food
a portion of quality food
quality
food
and drinks
, for the sake of financial benefits majority of education institutes delivering
Wrong verb form
deliver
a
Correct article usage
apply
quality
less eatable and drinkable items during lunch time
. Definitely, Correct your spelling
lunchtime
this
type of practice makes
Verb problem
has
an
negative impact on Change the article
a
students
physical and mental fitness Change noun form
students'
student's
day-by-day
.
Correct your spelling
day by day
This
is fact
that to gain more and more financial income from Add an article
the fact
a fact
pupli's
to Correct your spelling
pupil's
pupils
schools
, the majority of schools
management sells Change noun form
schools'
school's
food
and drinks
in their cafeterias or canteens which are not good in quality
and quantity. Generally, in schools
, the cost of any items are
high when Correct subject-verb agreement
is
we
compared to outside markets, Correct pronoun usage
apply
as
because the management will not allow outside sellers Change preposition
apply
due to
several reasons, considering this
an advanatge
, the Correct your spelling
advantage
schools
sells
unhealthy and sugary Change the verb form
sell
drinks
to students at high price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
instead
of nutrition foods and drinks
. Due to
shortage
of Proteins, Correct article usage
a shortage
Correct word choice
and carbohyderates
carbohyderates
in their meals Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
childrens
becoming more and more weakness in terms of physical and mental, Correct your spelling
children
further
Correct pronoun usage
which further
it
impacts Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
health Change preposition
apply
issue
Change the noun form
issues
such
as lack of concentration, obesity, and other health deceases
as well.
Correct your spelling
decreases
For instance
, during my school studies, I stayed in school accommodation due to
lack
of facilities Correct article usage
a lack
in
my countryside level. At that time, the Change preposition
at
food
provided by school
Correct article usage
the school
contains
Wrong verb form
contained
high
percentage of oil, Add an article
a high
other
species, Correct word choice
and other
in addition
, while
preaparing
Correct your spelling
preparing
food
no
body followed basic hygenic procedures, Correct pronoun usage
my
thus
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
on
me a lot and Change preposition
apply
lead
to hospitalisation for several weeks.
Despite Wrong verb form
led
of
taking huge amounts for study and Change preposition
apply
food
schools
failed
to provide Wrong verb form
fail
the
Correct article usage
apply
quality
food
as
equal to the studies, public services or governments should take serious Change preposition
apply
actions
, Fix the agreement mistake
action
otherwise
, in future
students may go to hospitals on Correct article usage
the future
regular
basis Correct article usage
a regular
instead
of going to studies.Submitted by sivareddymarella6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
logical structure
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure helps in presenting your ideas more coherently.
introduction conclusion present
Include an introductory sentence that directly addresses the question and a concluding paragraph summarizing your main points or providing a final perspective on the topic.
supported main points
Support your main points with detailed examples or explanations. While you provided an example from your own experience, further elaboration or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that the ideas you present are clear and comprehensive. It can be beneficial to outline your main points before writing to ensure each is fully developed.
complete response
Your response to the prompt is commendable as it addresses the question directly. However, for a higher score, aim to thoroughly develop your arguments with clear, well-structured statements and avoid broad generalizations without support.
relevant specific examples
Provided a personal example to support your argument, which adds credibility and relevance to your essay.
task achievement
You've successfully conveyed your stance on the topic, making it clear that you view the sale of unhealthy food in schools as a negative development.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.