IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Instead
Linking Words
 of providing
a
Remove the article
quality food
a portion of quality food
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
, for the sake of financial benefits majority of education institutes
delivering
Wrong verb form
deliver
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 less eatable and drinkable items during
lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
. Definitely,
this
Linking Words
 type of practice
makes
Verb problem
has
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 negative impact on
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 physical and mental fitness
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
fact
Add an article
the fact
a fact
show examples
 that to gain more and more financial income from
pupli's
Correct your spelling
pupil's
pupils
 to
schools
Use synonyms
, the majority of
Use synonyms
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
show examples
 management sells
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 in their cafeterias or canteens which are not good in
quality
Use synonyms
 and quantity. Generally, in
schools
Use synonyms
, the cost of any items
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 high when
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compared to outside markets,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because the management will not allow outside sellers
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons, considering
this
Linking Words
 an
advanatge
Correct your spelling
advantage
, the
schools
Use synonyms
sells
Change the verb form
sell
show examples
 unhealthy and sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 to students at high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of nutrition foods and
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of Proteins,
Correct word choice
and carbohyderates
show examples
carbohyderates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
 in their meals
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 becoming more and more weakness in terms of physical and mental,
Linking Words
further
Correct pronoun usage
which further
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
issue
Change the noun form
issues
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as lack of concentration, obesity, and other health
deceases
Correct your spelling
decreases
show examples
 as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, during my school studies, I stayed in school accommodation
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of facilities
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 my countryside level. At that time, the
food
Use synonyms
 provided by
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
contains
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of oil,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
 species,
in addition
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
preaparing
Correct your spelling
preparing
food
Use synonyms
no
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 body followed basic hygenic procedures,
thus
Linking Words
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me a lot and
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to hospitalisation for several weeks. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking huge amounts for study and
food
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equal to the studies, public services or governments should take serious
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
,
otherwise
Linking Words
, in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 students may go to hospitals on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis
instead
Linking Words
 of going to studies.
Submitted by sivareddymarella6 on

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logical structure
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure helps in presenting your ideas more coherently.
introduction conclusion present
Include an introductory sentence that directly addresses the question and a concluding paragraph summarizing your main points or providing a final perspective on the topic.
supported main points
Support your main points with detailed examples or explanations. While you provided an example from your own experience, further elaboration or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that the ideas you present are clear and comprehensive. It can be beneficial to outline your main points before writing to ensure each is fully developed.
complete response
Your response to the prompt is commendable as it addresses the question directly. However, for a higher score, aim to thoroughly develop your arguments with clear, well-structured statements and avoid broad generalizations without support.
relevant specific examples
Provided a personal example to support your argument, which adds credibility and relevance to your essay.
task achievement
You've successfully conveyed your stance on the topic, making it clear that you view the sale of unhealthy food in schools as a negative development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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