Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work

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In contemporary times, an increasing number of

individuals

relocate away from their friends and families for

work

. From my perspective,

while

such

a move offers convenience for commuting to the office, it raises concerns about the well-being of parents. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, relocating for

work

has numerous benefits.

Firstly

individuals

enjoy the convenience of

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

from their condominiums to the office without incurring transportation costs or spending time commuting.

This

facilitates overtime

work

after regular hours without worrying about late-night commutes, as they reside near their workplace.

Additionally

, the diverse job market allows

individuals

to choose roles that align with their preferences.

On the other hand

, distancing oneself from family and friends

due to

work

has several disadvantages.

For instance

individuals

may worry about their

parents'

Correct your spelling

parent's

show examples

health, especially as they age and cannot be readily cared for

due to

weekend-only visits.

Consequently

, in case of emergencies, there may not be anyone available to assist them.

Moreover

, prolonged separation from friends may strain relationships, despite occasional gatherings during holidays, as they may miss out on significant events

such

as birthday celebrations and job transitions. In conclusion, despite the advantages and disadvantages of relocating for

work

, it remains a deeply personal decision.

Individuals

must carefully weigh these pros and cons before making

such

a move.

Submitted by kran0630482559 on Wed May 08 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument. Ensure that every paragraph directly supports your main point for even greater coherence.

Task Achievement

Include more diverse and detailed examples to fully explore the implications of the issue being discussed. This will add depth to your argument and enhance your task achievement score.

Structure

The essay is well-structured, presenting both sides of the argument before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Coherence

Good use of transition words ('Firstly', 'Additionally', 'On the other hand', 'For instance') to guide the reader through your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

213 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career advancement
job opportunities
job market
salaries
personal growth
cultural horizons
adaptability
resilience
global perspective
emotional and psychological impact
loved ones
loneliness
homesickness
support network
long-distance relationships
emotional strain
face-to-face interactions
financial cost
housing deposits
travel costs
living expenses

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that government should spend money on the search for life on other planets, while others believe that is a waste of public money because there are still many problems on earth

It is better if an extended family for example uncle aunt grandparents are involved in a child upbringing than just parent alone. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Write about the following topic: Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. Others believe that online learning is more effective. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.