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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
In contemporary times, an increasing number of
individuals
 relocate away from their friends and families for
work
. From my perspective,
while
such
 a move offers convenience for commuting to the office, it raises concerns about the well-being of parents. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, relocating for
work
 has numerous benefits.
Firstly
,
individuals
 enjoy the convenience of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 from their condominiums to the office without incurring transportation costs or spending time commuting.
This
 facilitates overtime
work
 after regular hours without worrying about late-night commutes, as they reside near their workplace.
Additionally
, the diverse job market allows
individuals
 to choose roles that align with their preferences.
On the other hand
, distancing oneself from family and friends
due to
work
 has several disadvantages.
For instance
,
individuals
 may worry about their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 health, especially as they age and cannot be readily cared for
due to
 weekend-only visits.
Consequently
, in case of emergencies, there may not be anyone available to assist them.
Moreover
, prolonged separation from friends may strain relationships, despite occasional gatherings during holidays, as they may miss out on significant events
such
 as birthday celebrations and job transitions. In conclusion, despite the advantages and disadvantages of relocating for
work
, it remains a deeply personal decision.
Individuals
 must carefully weigh these pros and cons before making
such
 a move.
Submitted by kran0630482559 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument. Ensure that every paragraph directly supports your main point for even greater coherence.
Task Achievement
Include more diverse and detailed examples to fully explore the implications of the issue being discussed. This will add depth to your argument and enhance your task achievement score.
Structure
The essay is well-structured, presenting both sides of the argument before coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Coherence
Good use of transition words ('Firstly', 'Additionally', 'On the other hand', 'For instance') to guide the reader through your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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