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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #art #paintings #music #waste #money #government #pubic #service
Some people believe that spending time on drawing and music reduces quality of life.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
 argue that
art
Add a verb
art is
art was
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 essential to their daily routine. I totally disagree,
art
 and music can release stress and
changing
Wrong verb form
change
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 our mood easily.
Furthermore
, it's a method for expressing
a different cultures
Correct the article-noun agreement
different cultures
a different culture
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 throughout the world.
In
Change preposition
For
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 instance, some psychiatrists advise their patients to
joining
Change the verb form
join
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art
 classes, if they're willing to assist
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 therapy. In conclusion,
art
important
Add a missing verb
is important
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 to
maintain
Verb problem
make
show examples
 our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 more peaceful and happy.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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Introduction
Attempt to provide a more detailed introduction that presents your stance clearly and succinctly. Your essay should begin with a brief discussion of the topic and your thesis statement.
Body Paragraphs
Develop your body paragraphs more fully. Explain your ideas in depth and provide more detailed examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the completeness of your response.
Conclusion
Make your conclusion more comprehensive by summarizing your arguments and explicitly restating your opinion. This will help reinforce your stance and provide a clear closure.
Linking Words
Improve coherence by using a larger variety of linking phrases to smoothly connect your ideas. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
Grammar
Check for and correct grammatical errors to improve the accuracy of your writing. This includes verb tense consistency, article usage, and sentence structure.
Balanced Perspectives
Your essay acknowledges different perspectives, which is good for showing that you have considered the topic broadly.
Use of Examples
Incorporating the idea that art can be therapeutic demonstrates the ability to use specific examples to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preservation
  • vital
  • essential components
  • fostering
  • continuity
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • psychological benefits
  • stress reduction
  • promote creativity
  • enhancement
  • balanced approach
  • complements
  • innovation
  • crucial skills
  • government investment
  • societal role
  • tourists
  • local spending
  • public services
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