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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#british #emigration #destinations #report #university #lecturer #information #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart gives information about five countries
according to
Linking Words
 a different period from 2004 until 2007 .
To begin
Linking Words
 the bar chart describes the average of the survey
duering
Correct your spelling
during
 in these
peirod
Correct your spelling
period
periods
.
Overall
Linking Words
,as can be expected all the data and the
nation chosen
Add a hyphen
nation-chosen
show examples
a destinations
Correct the article-noun agreement
destinations
a destination
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Australia , Spain , New Zealand , The USA and France. In the same way, Australia in 2006
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest of guests there was 60,000
besides
Linking Words
 that it dropped the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 passengers
Linking Words
moreover
Add a missing verb
was moreover
show examples
 Australia in 2005 declined substantially .
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, Spain did not change depending on these years
as well as
Linking Words
reminded
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 and a growth slightly . In
this
Linking Words
 case, New Zealand and The USA were
equally
Change the word
equal
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 visitors
also
Linking Words
, they a round of number 30.000 or 20.000 in all years .
In addition
Linking Words
, France
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jumped sharply
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 34.000 in 2005
to conclude
Linking Words
 that in 2007 France did decrease dramatically it reached 15.000 !
Submitted by nahlaalrashidi on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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