The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
common that elderly
people
are suitable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leaders or directors in companies,
while
others argue that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation is
also
able to be
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
role. In my opinion, even though both old and young
people
have
abilities
Correct article usage
the abilities
show examples
to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
management
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, young
people
are too early to be that because of their both mental and business skills. On the one hand,
people
nowadays try to work in a company or an organization as a part-time or
internship
Replace the word
intern
show examples
before entering society as a full-time worker, so they can frequently organize their co-workers even if they are new in a company. As an example, Abema which is a well-known venture unity in Japan gives their new employees a job to
oraganize
Correct your spelling
organise
a department. It is obvious that
this
task is difficult and complicated for new workers,
however
,
this
idea has succeeded and the annual profit of Abema has become twice as same as
last
year.
On the other hand
, since
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
is no doubt that
personalities
Correct article usage
the personalities
show examples
of young
people
typically are not mature,
this
might be a crucial downside when they implement a massive
project
with numerous others as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
.
For instance
, the number of participants in a
project
of huge companies
such
as Apple, Amazon or Microsoft is over five
hundreds
Change to singular
hundred
show examples
,
thus
the leader would
be claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
countless opinions and needs to
hundle
Correct your spelling
handle
it. If he or she does not have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excellent personality, he or she will be messed up and the
project
will
be failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
.
Therefore
, the leaders or directors should be old
people
who have magnificent mentalities. In conclusion, though the specific merit that I mentioned is significant and enough
young
Change preposition
for young
show examples
people
to become leaders, the negative effect is more considerable.
Thus
, the directors in companies should be old individuals especially when they are in a huge
project
.
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly states your viewpoint. It would enhance clarity if you directly express agreement or disagreement with the statement.
Paragraph Development
Developing paragraphs should have clear topic sentences that state the main idea. This helps the reader understand the point of each paragraph without confusion.
Sentence Variety
Including a variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases can greatly improve the cohesion and flow of your essay.
Argument Support
Be mindful of generalizations and make sure to back up your arguments with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your position and makes your essay more persuasive.
Conclusion
Reiterate your viewpoint in the conclusion to ensure that your position is clear to the reader.
Example Use
You effectively use examples to support your arguments, such as citing the case of Abema.
Logical Structure
Your essay has a logical flow with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the structure.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic foresight
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  • demographics
  • innovative
  • mentorship
  • collaboration
  • adaptability
  • networking
  • holistic approach
  • intergenerational
  • visionary
  • inspire
  • progressive
  • technological acumen
  • agility
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