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Band 5

"Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs." To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#community #service #part #school #programs
Volunteering
service
 should be mandatory in school education, I completely agree with
this
 statement as it will help pupils to become self-confidence. I will explain it in brief in the next paragraphs. To commence with, unpaid community
service
, the word itself says," good deed " which most people nowadays ignore it. When it comes to
part
Add an article
the part
a part
show examples
 of education, I think it would be great for
students
 because it will not only boost their confidence but other aspects of their
life
. They will be able to think good thoughts among others and towards their
life
. Volunteering will teach them how to be kind and compassionate among others. Community
service
 plays a vital role in shaping
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 mind and helps to improve society. By performing these services
students
 become more
consious
Correct your spelling
conscious
 towards their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and aim for higher goals. Many
students
 go to school every day but they do not know why they are going there because they do not like to learn subjects they anyways do not like
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Having unpaid services in school will give them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to use their talents and they will not think inferior to their peers. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, when
students
 will teach young children painting, drawing, or any kind of skill, they will think that they are
also
 worthy individuals and they will be able to set goals in their
life
 for the future. In
this
 way volunteering services will benefit a lot to
students
 in different ways. In conclusion, public
service
 should be a part of education because it will help
students
 to become independent human beings and it will teach them how to deal with different situations in their practical
life
.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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Task Achievement
While your essay strongly supports the idea of mandatory volunteering service in schools, including specific examples or studies would have strengthened your argument further. Try to use real-life examples or theoretical evidence to back up your statements.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've established a good structure for your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, make sure each paragraph flows into the next with smoother transitions, linking ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of the prompt. Including a more nuanced discussion on potential downsides or considering opposing viewpoints could provide a more balanced perspective, which is appreciated even when you strongly agree or disagree with the statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. This also helps in demonstrating your language ability.
Task Achievement
You've done a great job of articulating the benefits of integrating volunteering services within school programs, making clear your position in support of the statement.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively communicates enthusiasm for community service and its potential positive impact on students, which is engaging and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a strong framework for your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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